++ PiTy HiM ++

from office,i went straight to JJ equine to buy a few stuffs to be left at Zareef's babysitter's house [banyaknye possessive pronouns..hehe]. i hate the idea of taking a lot of trunks everyday to send to her house.even this morning,Z took 2trunks to d house before he left for work.by the time i wanted to send Zareef,i couldn't bring my handbag n work bag plus the cooler bag.it felt like crazy.n i didn't want to risk Zareef' safety.

so i bought another basin for Zareef to take his bath as kak ita[the babysitter] doesn't have any.she claims that all the babies there do not use basin to bath.but Zareef cried so loud this morning during bathing time. which forced me to buy the basin asap.anak manja mama.

by the time i picked him just now,he was crying for milk.so i held him in my hands n hugged him tightly. it took him a few minutes before he realized that he was cuddled by me.he stopped crying,stared at my face n suddenly carved a smile.later he giggled. :)

i know he is not happy staying there.but that is d only place available at the moment.be tough dear Zareef.

i think i need to buy another cooler bag n set of icepacks.kak ita doesn't have a chiller.she has frozen fridge only.i don't prefer to give Zareef with frozen milk all the times. because frozen milk has less nutrients compared to chilled milk [but frozen milk is always better than formula milk].
if i get another cooler bag,i can leave it at her house as the icepacks can last up to 14hours.

well yes,breastfeeding is not easy.but never give quit Lya!all the best for little Z.

++ oF ZaReeF ++

arini baru la officially masuk keje.
b4 this g clock in n clock out je.
pehtu balek.
jahatkan.
nak buat camne. tade sape jage Zareef.

akhirnye aku hantar Zareef ke babysitter bawah rumah tu jugak.
T-T
dah pusing around tp nursery lain lagi tinggi tahap bahaya nya.
tapi aku masih tak puas hati.
nak ajak z pusing lg cari tempat lain.
arap-arap kak mas cepat sehat.
kak mas kate kalau ok,dia akan jage smule Zareef.
tp mungkin ambil mase...
n mungkin jugak die tamo jage langsung....

sian sgt tinggalkan Zareef td.
boleh pulak air mate die mengalir je.
bukan menangis jerit-jerit tu.
tp airmate mengalir jeee...
hmmm...

skrg tade keje.
start sem sumwhere in september.
tapi maybe nanti ade projek buat workbook.
office adelah penuh dgn sume org yg buat hal masing-masing.
not to mention,ramai yg MIA.
dulu-dulu time mcmni aku da merata ceruk da.
g shah alam,d mines,alamanda,balik kampong pon penah,balik tido kat rumah lg slalu.
tp skrg rase insaf sikit la.
da cuti lame sgt.
tak best pulak rasenye buat kepala mcm dulu.huhu.

rindu budak tembam tu.nak balek jenguk die kejap.

++ JuMaaT ++

Zareef yang masih tiada babysitter.
T-T

so arini akan g keje bawak c Zareef.
1st time nak drive berdua aje dgn Zareef.
hope he will be fine sitting in his carseat.

later we will go for nursery hunting.
taqdir Allah.
Zareef kene hantar ke nursery jugak.
dalam mase yg same akan cari juga babysitter lain nnti.
for d time being terpakse la.

petang nak balek kg.lagiiii!
hihi.
my bestfriend nak bertunang on saturday.
n tesolian nak kawen on sunday.
alhamdulillah.
all d best for them!

++ HePpY BeSDaY ++

Zareef is 3months young today!
alhamdulillah..dah besar anak mama papa!

by now Zareef dah pandai tahan kepala n tangan masa meniarap.
da pandai guna tangan utk grab stuffs around.
suke diagah,gelak n senyum...
n yeap!he weighs 6.5kg dahhhhhh.
patut la lenguh tgn mama.
papa pon komplen berat.hihi.

we got shocking,sad news a few days ago.
tetibe his babysitter,kak mas jatuh saket.
terkena buatan orang.
so at d moment she's not capable of taking care babies anymore.
i should be started working today.
tapi terpakse la sambung cuti coz in short notice,
it is very hard to find somebody else to take care Zareef.
so yesterday i went to another babysitter on ground floor.
dah macam nursery.
she has so many kids n babies.
there was 1 kid jumped on a baby yg tengah meniarap.
n another toddler threw toys kat other babies.
haiyooo..scarry gile.

z n i still need to search.
coz i need to start working.
arap-arap kak mas cepat sehat n masih nak jage babies.
die macam fobia coz org yg antar benda tu adelah bapak budak yg die penah jage.
bapak budak tu TERjatuh cinta pulak kat kak mas!
gile kan?
dunia mmg gile.n kejam.

zareef n his pacifier.

++ OuR DReaMs ++

dreams can be shared!
the day i applied for Masters,
Z was looking thru possible courses for engineering as well.
then he said that he wanted to apply for Masters too.

i was like a lil bit shocked.
before this he used to say he's not going to study now sbb malas.
but then tu la...
life is full of surprises!

he will apply to take Masters in this coming sem.
but then he still needs to ask his boss.
his crazy working hours might b d only barrier for his dream.

so,ade rezki both of us will do Masters together.
if not,i'll do first n Z will follow later.

ohye.
i just found out a new,exciting way to increase EBM.
with Z's help, actually.
thanks to him!
hihihihi.
Zareef minum sampai tersedak because banyak sgt susu.

++ LiVe iT uP ++

heart shatters.
dream flies.
hope leaves.

but life goes on.

alhamdulillah.

:)

++ HoW? ++

how do we mend a broken heart?
i dunno.
i just dunno.

i can't simply forget everything and live my life as if nothing that has ripped my heart had happened.
i can't.
i just can't.

no matter how many apologizes are given,
no matter how hard u cried,
no matter how bad u regretted,
no matter how hard i tried,
no matter u made new vows,
things can't be undone.

YOU have done this.

HOW could YOU....

++ eMpTiNeSs ++

it's kind of weird seeing me posting entries in a row.
but i desperately need a medium to let out my feelings.
i love writing here.
even though i know time to time stupid stalkers will come n visit me.

my feelings are so uncertain right now.
nothing keeps me sturdy except Zareef.

am i devastated?
am i hurt?
am i betrayed?

i answer a yes for every question up there.

Ya Allah.
i've pictured this so many times before in my mind.
but i never thought it would come true!
but then i should pinch myself now to wake me up from dreaming.

there are so many questions thudding in my head.
the most prominent is "WHY?"
i need the answer so that i can stop blaming n cursing myself.

nah Lya.
u shouldn't blame yourself.

fullstop.

hey you.i hope u know that not all broken hearts can be mended.

++ LiFe ++

life is like a box of everything!
most of the time, it contains a lot of surprises.
good.n bad surprises.
i hate surprises eventhough sometimes i do hope there will b warm surprises from my hubby.
:)

but who knows he could come out with 'such' surprises.
something out of mind and so powerful that smashed my heart into pieces...

thank you.
i [still] believe everything happens for a reason.
insyaAllah.

chiaooo.

++ PaPa ++

today is sunday.
z went working half day then he went to play golf.
yeap.that's his hobby.
dlm byk-byk sport apsal la pilih sport org kaya.
he is so addicted to golf.
*puke*
yes.i'm not a supportive wife!
bukan apa,he wasted so much money on golf equipments.
not to mention d time that he spent to go driving n all.
tp nak buat camna.
i can only nag at him n he will smile n crack jokes to make me laugh.

at first i was thinking of buying him a gift that get to do with his hobby.
kayu golf ka,kasut ka...
tapi ya ampunnnn...mahal sgt.
so kansel la.
hahaha.

i hope he read this.
cyg tak suke abg main golf.hahaha.

oh yes!i'm using new template again!
aha.
kunon dah matured la pakai template baru.
hihi.
but seriously i think this simple template suits better with my age.
as if da tua sgt pulak.huh.

n aside from applying for Masters,
i've been thinking to do something else too.
tsk.macam byk masa je nak slip in 1more project into my schedule.
tp niat baik always granted by Allah kan?
i'll try.
this is also one of my dreams.

ok.happy weekend.

++ ZaReeF's sHoPpiNg DaY ++

so today we went out.the first plan was to get the milk storage bottles at fabulous mom puchong.since it was our 1st time, we missed d junction so we headed to ikea to eat meatballs.sadly ikea cafe is temporarily closed due to JAKIM inspection.[on halal status]...

we went to d curve to find any suitable fastfood restaurants when z insisted to lunch at popeyes in cineleisure.ok,follow the lead.hihi.while eating,z suddenly asked about the halal status of popeyes.n i said i dont't know.he looked around several times n said that there wasn't any halal logos around.we will check later either popeyes is a halal restaurant or not.

then we went to osh kosh b'gosh in d curve and shopped crazily over Zareef's outfits.the outlet is having a promotion where if we buy 2pieces,we can get another 1piece for free.so we bought several pieces for Zareef.the sizes are bigger as they are UK/US sizes.we also bought Zareef's first stimulating toy from mothercare.Lamaze Elephant which i think is quite expensive compared to Lamaze toys on on9 shops.i think is the quality.i dunno.i think.

nak melaram this coming weekend.nak g several kenduri.

before we went home,we stopped at fabulous mom in puchong.we bought 2dozens of milk storage bottles,fan for Zareef's stroller,hanging toys for stroller/rocker.

i don't buy plastic storage coz according to 1 research,the milk nutrients might left at the plastic.

hanging,stimulating toys for Zareef to grab/kick.

there u go, Zareef.all d best for u.

++ MiLK ++

before this, i used to think that breastfeeding was sooo not in trend.i thought that it would be easier and better to give formula milk to babies.only when i was pregnant, i started googling about breastfeeding.n when z started to interfere,i became so serious about breastfeeding Zareef.

n as i mentioned in previous n3,it is not that easy.u need to have the equipments n eventho it is a big investment,but for long run,it will benefit u n d baby insyaAllah.

i was so worried before this with the milk production.when most breastfeed mommies are period-free for months,i already got mine for twice!when u r in menstrual cycle,the milk production is declining.that was what happened to me.

i started my milk stock last 3weeks.having Zareef 24/7, i would not be able to pump seriously.his sleeping time is d best time for me to run house chores.by the time i hold medela,he will wake up n demand for milk.when i went to nilai last two days,i realized that i managed to pump out 10 oz in one session.alhamdulillah.i'm going to start working by next week.so i hope that i will b able to supply sufficient milk stock for Zareef!insyaAllah.

today z n i will need to purchase another dozen of milk storage bottles n the BPA-free plastics storage as well.i like mom's little one bottles!fit well with medela n the indicators r cute!hihi.

the best thing about breastfeed our babies is seeing how he gains his weight n develops body cells from ur own milk!every drop of mom's milk = every drop of blood = love!

up to today, i have 16bottles that consist 4 @ 5oz milk =65+ oz and some milk in plastic bags that i'm not sure of the total amount.yes,my friends have more milk stocks from mine,but i'm thankful with what gifted by Allah as for today.
:)

makanan Zareef.

++ oF 1 DReaM ++

insyaAllah.
kalau ada rezeki.
baru register on9.
masih berpikir nak apply for the coming sem,
or next sem.

:)

++ BaBySiTTeR ++

so, i sent Zareef to his babysitter on wednesday. it was a sad,gloomy day. i cried a lot on dat day.ok,scratch dat.i cried a lottttt since a few days before....i do understand why mommies cry when they send their kids to nurseries/babysitters!

i put Zareef in his stroller.eventho the house is at 5th floor,but with so many bags,it would be easier+safer to put him in d stroller.but Zareef thought that we were going for a walk when i put him in d stroller.he smiled n laughed at me n i cried like crazy.

he was there for only 4,5hours.i went to nilai to attend a briefing.n when d briefing ended,the sky was so dark n later it rained heavily.there were a lot of thunders n lightnings.u couldn't barely see the road n other cars.but this super mummy sped all the way to see d charming little angel.

when i arrived at kak mas's house,Zareef was sleeping in the buai.as i came near him,i heard that he made sounds.like sobbing sounds in his sleep which broke my heart instantly.he might be very sad n scared being left to someone so stranger to him.when we reached our house,Zareef woke up n he looked around the house with confusing gaze.i came near him n couldn't stop myself from giving him trillion kisses n cried at the same time.Allah knows how much i miss this little kid.

he smiled n laughed at me.n i held him in hands for a long time.i need to send him again on thursday coz i'll be going to nilai againnnnn....but this time around, z will send him coz i'll be out early in the morning.so yesterday, i woke up at 6am while Zareef was still sleeping.at 6.30 i woke him up so that i could breastfeed him.he didn't sleep after that.n when i gave goodbye kisses,again he smiled n laughed at me;showing off his small dimple. :)

n i cried in the car all the way to nilai.n every chance that i got,i would look at his pictures in my handphone.it feels like u are in love with someone.

kak mas said Zareef sleeps better in buai coz he used to startle to every sound around him.yes, Zareef is easily startled by any sounds which explains the reasons why z n i talk in whispering tones,why we silent our hps,why we mute the TV n read the subtitles even for malay movies, n a lot more....hihi..it is in d beginning of his sleep.when he is really in deep sleep,he doesn't really care with what happens around him.but i do understand that kak mas won't be able to hug n sleep with him like what i've done.so i let Zareef sleeps in the buai, but minus the electric box!

i will start sending him to kak mas again by next thursday. d end of my 3months maternity leave.n i'll be going to nilai a lot.i think Zareef will be ok n he will understand why mama leaves him during the day.u'll have me all night long!

things changed.zareef n i need to catch up.we are no longer twin.berkepit doploh4jam.hihi.but i love u Zareef. n i just don't know when will i stop crying when thinking about leaving u.

Zareef n his trunks!mcm nak pindah.

mama's milk

i wonder how this small creature would give a very big impact in my life.

++ n3 penuh emosi ++

alhamdulillah,sewaktu dlm pantang dah jumpe babysitter Zareef.Kak Mas duduk 1 apartment,1block cume tinggal kat 5th floor.rumah pon depan lif je.last 3weeks saje la g bertandang ke rumah die sebab nak tengok org nye macamane.nampak lembut n baik sgt.campur Zareef n anak die,die cume jage 3org jela...syukur sbb aku mmg tanak sgt anta ke nursery.tapi makin dekat nak anta die ke kak mas,makin sayu je hati ini...aku tahu aku kene belajar to trust somebody else...n aku mmg pecaye kan kak mas...cume sedih sbb kene bagi pade tangan asing utk jage die...sekarang ni selalu btau Zareef yg aku kene keje,siang2 die kene duk ngan org len..lepas btau je die meragam...nak ngempeng je...aduiii...sedihnye tgok anak mama...

Dear Zareef,
lusa mama tinggalkan Zareef ngan Mama Mas tau.Zareef jgn meragam ye syg...mama pegi keje sekejap je..mama tinggalkan susu mama utk Zareef...syg minum botol tau..malam bile dgn mama,Zareef menyusu dgn mama ye...mama pegi keje nak cari duit..nak beli barang Zareef..nak bagi keselesaan n sgale yg terbaik utk Zareef..walaupon mama tade,tapi mama selalu ingat Zareef..bile ade mase terluang mama balik jenguk Zareef ye...Zareef kena behave tau...Mama Mas nak jage 2org lagi baby...mama risau Zareef tamo tido selagi tade mama...hmmm...mama sentiase doakan keselamatan anak mama ni...mama syg Zareef sgt2 tau!

kak mas,
anak liya ni tak biase tade liya...die biase tido atas lengan liya..tido satu bantal n nak dipeluk erat2...mase mandi tak boley air sejuk sbb die takut.kene gune air suam...sekarang die da pandai meniarap.kadang2 nak tido meniarap.selalunye liya perhatikan die sbb takut hidung die tersembam pade bantal..takut die susah nak bernafas...Zareef tak suke kalu tak tukar diaper bile die berak...Zareef tak biase minum botol.tp seblom ni bile bagi die ok...akak tengok2 la anak sy ye kak...sy susah hati sgt nak tinggalkan die...sy percayekan akak..harap akak sayangkan die seikhlas hati...

.mama dan zareef.

++ $$$$ ++

heee...
almost 3months cuti dok umah ni,
aku dok godek-godek mcm-mcm on9...
join churp churp la...nuffnang la...
saje suke suki..
dpt jugak passive income kan...

yg latest adelah on9 survey.
jumpe kat blog kak julee...
saje la try join.
lepas 3ari join da kumpul rm20 lebey.
senang je pon.
jawab on9 survey,
kumpul points n nnti boley redeem cash money.
hiks.

join churp churp da dekat 2minggu baru kumpul rm6.
hahaha.
sape-sape nak join 0n9 survey,
klik sini.
same-same la cari passive income!
sharing is caring!
:)

otromen mama

++ BrEaStFeeDiNg JouRNeY ++

breastfeed my baby is not as easy as i thought.
dulu ingat when it's time,
just selak n sumbat.
hahaha.
but it is wayyyy more complicated than that.
u need strength, determination,patience,passion,
n a lot more!

i have been breastfeeding my baby for 2months++.
alhamdulillah.
inilah rezeki Allah utk Zareef.
sampai bila taktahu la...
but hopefully biarlah selama yg mungkin.

during confinement,
my milk was like waterfall.;p
but i didnt have the chance to make milk stock
since my mum's fridge is full all the time.
so when i went back to KL,
z n i bought electric breast pump
n i started to take things seriously.
making stock before i go back to work.
but somehow the milk production is quite disappointing...
i tried everything that i could.
i made research,i made purchases.
yes, i bought milk booster from amway.
i bought fenugreek chocolate drink.

alhamdulillah,
the milk production has made me smile again.
:)
the milk stocks r nothing to be proud of.
i still need to work hard.
i need to discipline myself with pumping sessions.
no more skipping sessions.

insyaAllah,
hopefully dengan usaha ini,
Allah akan berkati dengan susu yg melimpah ruah.
amin.

everything for u Zareef.
always the best for u, Allah's will.

Finally. The amazing #MaxisiPhone4 in WHITE is here. Get yours today & match it with the right plan

i'm drooling over this ip4 for years!hahaha.get one for yourself and make me jealous!:p

Finally. The amazing #MaxisiPhone4 in WHITE is here. Get yours today & match it with the right plan

++ wordless wednesday...my boypren ++

++ HaPpY MoTHeRs' DaY ++

alhamdulillah, i'm a mommy today!
i used to celebrate n send wishes to my mum,
but amazingly,i am celebrating it today.
:)

it's hard to tell my mum how special she is to me.
i will not be able to repay
her sacrifices,her love,her tears,her attention n
EVERYTHING that she has done for me.
i love u mak!

alhamdulillah,i was born from ur womb.
i was brought up by u.
i was fed by u.
i was taught by u.
i was scolded by u.
i am loved by u.

HJH JAMADIAH ZAINUDDIN is the best mom ever!

n being a mommy myself,
even though zareef is not able to whisper the wishes,
but looking at his eyes n smiles make me sooo happy.
i can't wait to see him talking,growing...
but deep down inside,
i hope that i can seize these moments.
every mother feels the same things.
they r eager to see their babies to grow,
but at the same time,
they hope that the babies will remain this way.
it feels like u want to keep the baby in ur tummy forever.
so that u can alwiz be near to him.

happy mothers' day to myself.

dear zareef,
mama loves u so much.u have brought so much happiness in our small family.mama wants the best for u.n i believe that u r going to grow up as a great man who will lead our family,one day. amin.

happy mothers' day for every mum in this world.
WE are the unsung heroes.
:)

p dot s: happy mothers' day to my mother in law too!terima kasih melahirkan suami liya ke dunia ini.
:)

++ 6th May 2011 = 2 months 10days ++

heee..anak mama dah meniarap pagi tadi!
i am so proud of u zareef!
baru semalam cakap kat die supaye meniarap depan mama dulu,
bukan dengan babysitter...mama nak jadi orang 1st!hehe...
thanks syg sbb tunaikan permintaan mama!

p dot s::sonok nye tengok perkembangan anak!

++ ZaReEf oHhhH ZaReeF ++

when he was in his 1st month,
his favourite activity was sleep.
he slept all d time dat even tho people
talked very loud or tickled him,
he would still sleep.
during that time,
relatives n friends who came to visit him
were very frustrated coz they wanted to see his eyes.

then now he develops new habit.
these days,
it is very hard to make him sleep during the day.
he is quite cranky.
i know that he wants to sleep but he just doesn't sleep.
-Allah-knows-why-
then he will cry and calm alternately.

when he is cranky,
i will eventually cry too.
i love him.very much indeed.
but i can't lie that this is tough.
dei,jadi housewife mmg susah!
when he is a bit moody,
i can't do anything.
masak pon sambil lari bawak senduk depan belakang.

the house is in a total mess.
i don't have the ample time to make things clean.
z cooked dinner for two days already.
haha.
btw,i cover d nite shifts myself
since z needs to work in d morning.

i am still trying to suit myself with d new life.
i bet zareef is doing d same thing.
he used to be pampered at my kampong
where he could sleep on one's lap to another.
but here,
d only face that he sees most of the time is mine!

we sleep together
n i am sandwhiched between z n zareef.
i will sleep very close to zareef,
nose to nose.
whenever i turn my back to hug z,
zareef will cry n start to find my body.
i used to wait until he continued his sleep
but he will not stop until he touches my body.


:)

zareef was watching the television

++ bB ZaReeF vS PaPa-MaMa ++

when u have a kid,
ur entire life is about him.
u'll always put him in priority.
n it seems that u don't have to make second thought
when spending money for him.

we went to ikea on thursday with my family. the main reason was the meatballs.haha. but my mum wanted to do some shopping so we followed along n bought a few stuffs for the house n zareef which cost z 100++.

on saturday nite,we went to giant.
buying some food stocks,home appliances,
n of cos zareef's stuffs which cost z 400 ++.

on sunday we went to littlewihz at setia alam. finally i bought medela mini electric! it comes with autumnz cooler bag,8 bottles storage n 3pcs icepack.

yehuuu!tak payah manual pumping yg cukup melenguhkan!
z bought car seat n the head support.
n i bought bumble bee dimple n pacifying pillow
n muchkin drying rack.
total up at littlewhiz cost both of us 1k ++ all for this little tot!huhu.

then we went to kl convention centre in klcc.
homedec was on.
it was really hard to find a parking spot.
bile dpt,
zareef pulak mengamuk nak tido.
haha.
we were in the car at the basement for 1hour!
bile zareef da btol-btol tido,
baru kami masuk.
after 3hours,
z paid deposit for wallpaper n curtains.
insyaAllah,soon enuff our house akn berwajah baru.
hehe.
*can't wait*

mama ada beberapa lagi wishlist utk complete kan barang zareef.

1.

2.




p dot s:: sekarang ni barang papa n mama da on d bottom of the list!huh.