++ LiTtLe tHinGs ++

Sneaked out from the room this morning. 

Enjoying d morning view while listening to  my currently new favourite radio station n munching blueberry cheese tart made by my sister. 

...little things before i indulge back to the reality. Ha-ha. 

++ bZ bEe ++

It's already Week 13.

Next week is the final week for in campus students. 

But I still have one Medic group with odd schedule that will only finish somewhere end of June. 

Not to mention one Asasi class that has just started. 

Pheww. 

I love my job. 

Teacher Lya yg best sgt. Ha-ha. 

++ PaSt ++

I won't. 

++ i LoVe mY JoB ++

My current view and I think for the next 14 days I will drive myself crazy. 

So... This is my 2nd attempt as a MUET examiner. 

Last year was my first try. 

My friend n I were totally blur with the format. 

Back in UPM we do teach ASASI students but we do not prepare them for MUET due to the sylibus given. 

Hence, we were in different world when the ketua lead the moderation session. 

I remember how miserable we were to complete our marking last session. 

N we swore to ourselves no more marking for MUET. 

hahaha. 

But here we go againnn...

After our senses came back, we decided that we should give a 2nd try. 

Last time we were too laid back. 

Now we have to be discipline. That's all. (That's what we thought)

Heck. 

The only problem is that I don't go well with discipline T-T

So the love-hate relationship between me and muet kicks in. (Again)

Let's do this. 

I now understand the format and how to score the writing n listening papers. 

I should re-sit MUET. 

:p

Till here then. 

Wish me luck. 

 

@___@

I'm old.

I miss the younger me sometimes.

The good old times where we only need to worry about ourselves and nothing else.

As our age increases, 

Our responsibility towards people around us (and towards ourselves) are getting heavier.

No more sleepless night trying to finish a good novel.

No more movie marathon or late night movies.

No more strolling at the parks.

No more listening to loud musics in the car.

The no more-list could be longer actually.

Haha. 

Now that i'm married with 3kids, 

I spent my leisure time differently. 

Hey wait! Do I still have leisure time?

I noticed that I'm no longer worried about how do I look. 

Whenever Z decided to go out n he gave me like 1hour time to get ready, 

I will just grab anything that iron-less shirts from the wardrobe. 

Then I would pair my outfits with any available head scarfs that I've been wearing a few times in a week. 

Uhuk.

That will only take about 15mins time for me to get ready. 

The rest would be me busy getting the kids ready. 

I'm glad that Z would pack the diaper bag and get the bottles, thermos, and milk ready. 

Most of the time, we will utilise 50% of our energy getting ready to go out. 

Life has been super challenging. 

I (sometimes) secretly plan to run away from home.

Haha. 

I know things would never be the same anymore. 

I would never see the world as a place to be young and wild. 

Now i feel that the world is a vulnerable , dangerous place. 

I'm so scared of the challenges that my kids will have to face in this world. 

I think too much about my family. 

Things that I have never bothered before have become my number one world problem. 

N yeap, the old me loves to nag.

I feel darn tired sometimes. 

But still I can nag at petty things. 

Hmm.

I hate my older version. 

How do I change this?

Hey world, could you please slow down a bit? Pretty please...

++ 2015 ++

There were so many things happened in 2014.

Bitter sweet, ups and downs of life that will remain as memories. 

I did not fulfill two of my wishes last year. 

I did not continue my Masters, nor did I complete my second manuscript. 😞

But one thing for sure, I did not give Zareef and Zaras new sibling. Hahaha 😛

My friend and I embarked on something we love. 

A new adventure to treasure. 

I don't feel like sharing in details yet. 

But sure thing, I will reveal soon. 

Writing is still my passion. 

Will keep updating since the Blogger Apps dah improved. 

On the 31st of December, we finally own a Honda. 

We went thru a lot of dramas to get our new car. 

Asyik bad experience dengan the car dealer. 

Tapi tak pa. Rupanya Allah nak bagi cash rebate yang lebih banyak. 😊

My 1st baby still remain in the family.

Lepas ni dia serve Z pulak sampai Z beli kereta lain. 

Till here then. 

++ BeiNg a MoTheR ++

i'm not a supermom, and never will i be...

masih banyak yang tak perfect.
masih banyak yang perlu diperbetulkan.

kadang-kadang segan bile orang pm,
n cakap kita ni idol dorang.

"X jadikan Lya sebagai contoh tau. Kalau penat sangat nak nangis, mesti cakap kat diri sendiri... Lya kuat. so X pon mesti kuat"

"Aku kagum betul la dengan kau! Kau memang supermom!"

"Camna you cope eh Lya? I yang tak kahwin lagi, anak tak ade, tapi rasa stress sangat..."

Allahu...

Kadang-kadang nak larik nyorok dalam selimut bila orang adore kita.
sebab deep down inside, you know who you are.
you know your darn limit.

it's just that i didn't show when i'm upset.
i didn't breakdown in front of random people.
i didn't bitch about my life in public.

i just don't. at least until now.

i have no super power, nor do i have secret magic.

i'm an ordinary woman...
who occasionally tears when i can't take it any longer.

n i tell myself, menangislahhhhhh....
tak payah dok tahan-tahan...

n i do talk about my life with Z, or my besties, or my mom and sisters.
tu je orang yang aku percaya.

bukan bermaksud aku hipokrit.
seolah-olah nak tunjuk hidup aku sempurna kat orang lain.
tapi untuk apa aku merungut-rungut kat FB pasal penat jaga anak?
dah la tak dapat pahala.
seolah-olah tak bersyukur pulak tu Allah bagi pinjaman.

aku selalu share gambar twins berjaga malam.
n adelah letak emoticons menangis camtu.
tapi takdalah nak jadikan isu sangat.

aku bersyukur, n belajar bersabar.

bukan semua orang dapat pengalaman ni.

sesusah mana pun, bersabarlah.

ALLAH MAHA MENGETAHUI.

to all mums out there,
menangislah bila perlu.
berceritalah pada yg ikhlas mendengar.

tanggung jawab seorang isteri dan ibu bukan senang.
nak-nak pulak ko kerja keluar pagi balik petang.
i feel you.

we have our right to cry.
at least reda sikit tekanan tu.

aku sendiri kalau dah tak tahu nak ngadu kat sapa,
aku menangis dalam solat.

dalam setiap doa aku mintak Allah bagi kekuatan dan kesabaran utk kami besarkan anak-anak.

Allah itu Maha Adil.

bila Dia bagi, maksudnya kita mampu.

jadi hadapi dengan senyuman dan genangan air mata.

i'm sure everything worth it.

Yours truly,
MakAnakBanyak.

++ aDdiCtiOn ++

     Adding new colours to my collection. 

++ HeLLo 2014 ++

dah 2014???!!!

lama gila in hiatus.

inilah naseb emak beranak banyak!

huhuhu.

dulu rajin jugak update pakai phone.

ni apps blogger untuk iphone cam lousy je.

aritu dah typed panjang-panjang then hilang begitu saje.

bengkerk ati kite.

azam 2014 adelah TIDAK TERmengandung lagi.

hahaha.

tak delah.

tapi kalau rezki x boleh tolak.

cuma harapnya diri ini akan semakin pintar mem-family-planning.

jaga 3 orang ni pon rasa nak nanges tiap-tiap ari.

azam lain adelah nak siapkan manuskrip kedua.

azam lain lagi adelah nak kembali sambung masters in september.

takpela amek 2subjects pon 1 sem.

biar la lembab mcm kura-kura pon.

at least benda tu berjalan.

this sem i am appointed as a coordinator of a new course.

life is as busy as tutttt.

dengan aritu Zaras tamo tido malam hampir 2months.

life was soooooo challenging.

sometimes i cried while praying.

T-T

saje nak update laju-laju wpon tak de sape bace.

(well, aku suke bace balik entry-entry kat blog ni.)

elok lepas aku habes cuti half paid leave,

Z pon start keje baru.

company yg lebih besar n selesa.

n offers lebih banyak perks.

yang best Z keje isnin-jumaat 8-6pm.

kadang-kadang je kene p tgok site ari sabtu or balik lewat skit on weekdays.

2nd perk is the company offers 25k medical card coverage to all family members.

each of us is entitled for the 25k annually.

so memang sekarang selalu refer to KPJ.

sebab this med card covers everything.

alhamdulillah.

actually early 2013,

Z ade g interview kat Singapore.

memang dapat.

gaji 7-8k mcmtu.

at first Z had to postpone to report duty.

tp dah lepas tu pregnant kembar n bermasalah,

so Z turn down the offer.

paling kesian masa dia kena ulang alik PD-KL-HUKM

masa Zaras kat nicu dulu.

tapi everything is worth it.

sekarang dapat job yang jauh lebih baik.

alhamdulillah.

Zereef turned 3 last month.

boleh la bercakap sikit-sikit.

Zareef pon kadang-kadang ade tantrum dia jugak.

pening mama n papa nak layan.

My Zaras are 9months+ now.

Malisa dah started crawling dekat sebulan.

ada 2batang gigi.

suka berdiri n asyik terjatuh.

lasak kalah Zareef masa kecik dulu.

naughty n bijak sangat.

chubby.

Maeisya baru started crawling semalam.

belum ada gigi tapi macam tengah gatal gusi.

sangat obedient.

tak melasak macam Malisa.

selalu jadi mangsa buli Malisa.

slim and slender.

kadang-kadang masih tak percaya Allah pinjamkan nikmat yang terlalu best ini!

ada anak kembar adelah sangat mengujakan!

hahahaha.

pegi mana-mana pon org jadi friendly kat kita.

tapi penatnya memang double.

i have eyebags now.

n sometimes i become very moody.

penat.

sapa yang tahu, tahu lah.

huhu.

mujurlah badan masih seperti anak dara.

so siapa-siapa pun macam tak percaya aku dah ade 3 anak.

oklah.

awet muda.

hahaha.

meh tengok gambar Zaras.

ok bai!

++ SHR MZB ++

Tahun ni kami berlima.
Alhamdulillah.

++ BaJu RaYa oHhh BaJu RaYa ++

Tahun lepas awal2 dah shopping baju raya.
Borong kurung sampai 6pasang dari wardrobe2u.
Siap beli jeans Zara apa semua.

This yearrrr...
I have a difficult time choosing baju kurung.
Designs wardrobe cantek.
Tapi x suitable for nursing.
So memang tension la nak cari baju.
Huhu.

Ada jumpa nursing kurung yg cantekk.
Tp da sold out plk.
Arghhh!
I even browsed thru designers' collections.
Jovian n hatta dolmat.
Cantik.
Tp jovian punya size besar for xs.
Tak suke. :(
Hatta punya dah produced in massive amount.
Kang same plk semua org di pagi rayaaa.
Namo namo.
Huuuu...

Ingatkan tahun ni x payah la beli jeans baru.
Sbb slua Zara last year pakaj kejap2 je.
Then preggy kkn.
Masalahnya semua seluar jeans x kira apa brands semua dah x muatttt!!!!
So smlm g Sunway n bought two pairs of jeans.
Nanti nak tambah lagi 2helai kot.

N last nite jugak ternampak 1 baju kurung kat my favourite designer's instagram.
Cantik. Memang aku suka kalau simple yet stylish.
Tengok very limited quantity.
N dia da post for 7hours.
Try jugak email n tanya kot ada rezki.
Alhamdulillah!
Dapat la sepasang baju raya dah.
Nanti nak cari lagi 3pasang baju kurung.
Masih dlm hunting mission..

Baju Zareef n Zaras dah berlambak.
Z pon shopping melampau la this year.
Aku lah yg plg ketinggalan.
:(

N we havent decided on theme color.
Ada a few choices of colors.
So beli je dulu baju2.
Pagi raya baru decide!
Haha.

++ 360° aGaiN ++

When we had Zareef, life has changed 360°.
Now that we are having twins,
Should i say life is changing another 720°?

Phew.

My confinment experience this time around is totally different.
Sempat rasa berpantang macam org lain for 2weeks je kot.
Tu pon memang berulang ke HUKM.
Lepas mak balik..
Aku pantang ikut suka je.
Makan mmg jaga jugak.
Tp keluar malam n bertungku asal dan je.

Nak buat cemana.
Parents yg ada anak2 di nicu should understand this.

Tawakallallah.

Tu je aku pegang.
Perlu ada sacrifices.
Zareef kena duk kg for 3weeks.
N those were d longest 3weeks in our lives.
Z berulang setiap ari from PD-umah-hukm.
Aku pantang sorg2.

Then Malisa came back with us.
A week later Zareef pon balik.
Ohoh.
Baru rasa cam nak pengsan.

Zareef ok ngan Malisa.
Tapi dia suka ciom.
So risau jgk kalau die picit badan Malisa accidentally.

Semalam balik kg n kidnap adik utk temankan kitaorg.
Ada berbaki beberapa hari lg berpantang.
Tp it seems that i hv to drive around lps ni.
Z da xde cuti..
Again...sacrifice.

I cant wait to bring Maeisya home.
Tengok geng2 ibu kembar yg dah bersalin n posted photos of their twins buat aku rasa nak nanges.
Sebab aku x sabar nk put Malisa n Maeisya side by side jugak.
D only thing that i do nowadays is collaging their pictures...

...and admiring how amazing to hv these identical twins!

Soon...soon..
Allah knows best for us..kan?
:)

++ BaBy n MoMmY ChEcKList ++

this will be a sticky post!

Baby Gear
Baby Tees SL (8)
Baby Tees LS (6)
Romper (2) -
Baby Pant - Short (8)
Baby Pant - Long (6)-

bought a number of outfits dahhhh. cukup Liya!

Booties (5) - a pair each. opah yg beli. nak tambah lagi.
Mittens (5) - 10pairs. 5 pairs each.
Baby Bip (2) - tak payah. pengalaman mengajar.
Baby Handkerchief (3)- done. Aden+Anais. beli kat Mothercare.
Barut (10)- Zareef's punya ada. opah belikan 2pieces. mommy is planning to get yg corak2 ones.
Receiving Blankets - done. 1 each. 
Topi-rasa macam tak perlu.

Diapering
Fabric Nappy (1 pack- 1 dozen)- done. dah ada 2packs. cukupppp.
Disposable Diapers (2 packs)- done 1 pack. Drypers.
Diaper Wipes (2 packs)- done. siap dah beli refill.

Changing Mat- done. sponsored by Auntie Sabil. Mothercare.
Diaper Rash Cream- done. Earth Mama Angel Baby

Baby Detergent for Washing- Pureen ABD [org kata wangiii]- done.

Baby Care & Grooming
Baby Powder-  done. Mothercare Liquid Talc
Baby Lotion- done. Earth Mama Angel Baby 
Baby Oil- belom. macam tak perlu?
Tissue- done
Hair Brush- done. Mothercare Ergonomic set.
Cotton Bud - done. Mothercare.
Nail Clipper- done. Mothercare Ergonomic set. 

Nasal Aspirator- done. Mothercare Ergonomic set. 

Thermometer - done. Little Bean
Minyak Telon- done ordering.  Amway Baby Oil.

Nursering
Blanket- belom.thinking of JJ Cole Muslin. MC
Bedding Set- Zareef punya tapi tempah sarung baru je kot nanti.
Kelambu - dah ada kat kg.
Bakul Baby  - done. Diaper Caddy B.box


Feeding
Bottle S (2) - tak nak beli lagi. bagi test teat Tommee Tippee nanti.
Puting Botol Susu (2)- SDA
Silicone Bottle Brush- done. Anakku.
Sterilising Tablet- belom.

Bathing
Towel- done. Mothercare. (3pcs)
Bath Tub-  Zareef punya ada. kalau nak beli pon Baby Deluxe Bather from Summer Infant
Shampoo- belom. Sebamed.
Body Shampoo-  belom. Sebamed.

Travelling
Bag Baby-  done. Diaper Bag MBMJ
Baby Warmer for Bottle-  done. Tommee Tippee
Bottle Sterilizer - belom. kalau ada duit lebih beli la. not urgent for now.

Confinement (Mummy)
Extra care - Nipple cream -  done. Earth Mama Angel Baby

Extra care - Bottom spray/Csect Cream - Earth Mama Angel Baby Bottom Spray 

Jamu- done ordering Shaklee. cadang nak tambah minyak Herbanika Nona Roguy n sabun Mandi Tanamera.

Socks- done. 6pairs.
Blouses- pakai je apa ada.
Panties - SDA
Bra- done. nak tambah nursing bras kot.
Towel- no need to buy
Bengkung- dah ada dulu punya.
Pad-  done. Mothercare.

Miscellaneous 
Bbox Baby Essential Box - done.
Swaddle Pod
Swaddle Wrap Summer Infant
Swaddle Muslin JJ Cole/Aden+Anais

Hospital Checklist (Yet to start packing)
Blouses (5)-
Socks (2)-
Kain Batik (3)-Panties (5)-
Bra (2)-
Towel-
Pad (6)-
Face Towel-
Disposable Baby Diapers (6)-
Toothbrush-yes
Air Selusuh
Minyak Angin-
Plastic Bags-
Nursing Pad (4)
Sweater
Baju Baby (4)-
Minyak Telon-
Baby Wipes
Hair brush
Facial Cleanser-up to u
Mosturiser-
Slipper-
Air Zam Zam

++ d aWaiTeD aRriVaL ++

On the 22nd day,
D team of doctors in nicu has decided to discharge Malisa.
But mommy requested to postpone one day.

So Malisa was discharged on Thursday.
We had to leave Maeisya.
But Z will go visit her everynite.

1st nite with Malisa was quite challenging.
She woke up evey 1hour.
I seriously felt like a zombie.
Tambah lagi 3nites before i roomed in with her in nicu.
Mmg x ckup tdo.

But i think i know what she wants.
She wants to sleep on my chest.
So last night i slept very close to her n she slept well thru d nite!
Ini sebjik perangai abg Zareef masa dlm confinement.

I wonder wut would happen to me bila Maeisya dah balik nanti.
Haha.

Btw,last week i received d letter of agreement from KN.
Alhamdulillah.
Rezeki besar utk kami sekeluarga.
It is beyond my expectation...
:)

Terima Kasih Ya Allah.

++ MiRaCLe MoMeNt ++

Dah 2weeks+ baru rasa nak menulis balik pengalaman bersalin kembar.
Ni pon sbb dah makin hlg details of the event.
Banyak urat putus agaknya.huu...

Tues (4/6/13)
Admitted sbb ngadu kat doc yg 2nd twin kurang gerak.
Details of d story ade kat n3 sebelom2 ni.

Wed (5/6/13)
Pagi2 tu as usual a group of doctors led by Prof Norzi would do ward round.
As they approached me, Prof Norzi terus shook my hand n greeted me happily.
Again, she said "congrats,u have made it this far! Alhamdulillah!"
She told d group of docs yg ada kat situ how she had always given me poor prognosis n almost zero hope thruout my pregnancy.
My case was totally rare n bizzare to her.
>50% discrepancy in sizes from w18.

i asked Prof Norzi kalau boleh discharge on that day.
Prof Norzi cakap tak boleh. I would be admitted sampai deliver.
She said we had taken a lot of risks to drag my pregnancy up to w31.
So dia betol2 nak monitor n make sure i deliver d twins safely.
She even instructed me to start fasting from 12 midnight sampai pagi.
Kalau ada ventilator (waktu tu ada isu ventilator sume penuh), they would prepare me for csect.
Kalau x ada,boleh makan macam biasa.

So i stayed in d hospital.
Wondering to myself bila la agaknya boleh keluar.
That night, Z x datang visit.
I wanted to hv my dinner,
Tapi nasik tumpah atas katil.
Perot lapar, so i munched a packet of biscuts.
Dlm kepala dah susah hati macam mana nak puasa from 12am kalau dinner tak makan.
N ada rasa x sedap hati.
So lepas solat isyak terus baca surah maryam n solat hajat.
Sepanjang preganancy aku selalu buat solat hajat, n that nite i had a feeling yg mcm itu solat hajat terakhir sblom bersalin.
Pujuk hati utk tdo.
Ajaibnya x dela rase kebulur ke apa malam tu walaupun x makan nasik macam selalu...

Thurs (6/6/13)
Woke up before 7 n terus solat subuh.
Habiskan surah maryam yg x sempat habis semalam.
Again, i had a funny feeling that morning.
After subuh ingat nak mandi.
Tp tengok doc dah mula buat ward round.
So i decided to wait for my turn.
N ada nurse dtg nak buat CTG.
Masa tgah buat CTG nurse panggil 2org doctors lain to assist her sebab something was wrong with d readings.
They discussed something.
Smiled awkwardly at me n told me to wait for Prof Norzi.
Prof Norzi came n examined d result of CTG.
Then she said d baby or babies (cant recall) was/were distress n i needed to go for emergency csect immediately.

I was totally in shocked.
I asked abt d ventilators.
Mmg x ada kosong lg.
But then becos the baby was distress, they couldnt send me to other hospitals.

They asked me to inform husband n prepared me for d operation.
Dah la tak mandi.huu.
They changed my outfit, put on d shower cap,
n put on d catherer.
Mmg takut gila masa nak pasang catherer sbb org cakap sakit sgt.
I asked d nurse to be gentle.
Alhamdulillah tak sakit.
Just a feeling of uncomfortable je.

I called Z.
He was at home.
My family pon mmg kat umah dah time tu.
But they were all unprepared as well.
Z tgh tdo.
Bila btau nak kene operate dah,
die siap tanya,"syg main2 ke?"
Haihhh.

I asked him to come to d hosp ASAP.
pastu dengar dia cam ngelabah.
Lepas hang up nurse bg ubat tak sedap.
X tahu utk ape.

I was wheeled to d OT.
Perasaan bercampur aduk.
Dah la sorg2.
Mentally n physically unprepared.
But i was lucky i didnt eat a lot d night before.
Ada hikmahnya nasik tertumpah.

I jumped d queue untuk masuk OT.
Sbb kira my case should b prioritized time tu.

Sampai OT, i needed to change bed.
Da la ade catherer tergantung tu.
I was so anxious n nervous.
Ada pakar bius datang n explained d procedures which i cant remember now.
N nurse dtg bawak documents to sign.
Patutnya hubby atau waris yg sign. But since i was all alone, so sndiri sign.
Ha-ha.
T-T

N then they pushed me to d white room with big lamp.
Haha.
Mcm dlm tv tu.
I think my mind was numb on that morning.
Sbb tengok sume org dlm tu bz preparing everything.
I dunno whether to cry or what.
Mcm dah x tau nak rasa apa.

But bila teringat Zareef...
Hati jadi sebak.

Pakar bius dtg.
Then they helped me to sit straight.
A pillow was given.
Doc ckp peluk bantal tu kuat2.
Die nak cari nerve ke ape tah to inject me.
Nak bg bius separuh badan tu.
Again i was so scared sbb org kate sakit.
Two nurses helped me to bend down.
Aku peluk tgn sorg nurse tu.
Tp alhamdulillah.. X sakit jugak.
Syukur.
N they helped me to lie back on d bed.
Pakar bius waktu tu baik sgt.
She tried to calmed me down.

Aku tanya dia,macam mana nak tau bius tu berkesan ke x.
Sbb aku slalu dgr scary stories org kene bedah mase bius tak function lagi..
Takutttt!
She asked me to wiggle my toes.
Boleh.
Tp bila dia suruh lift up d legs, terasa berat.
Then she said it meant that ubat tu tengah berjalan.

They put a cloth depan my face.
Taknak bagi tgok d whole process la kan.
Doc bius ajak aku sembang2.
But when Doc Idayu letak d knife on my tummy,
Aku rasa pedih.
Automatic aku btau dorg aku rasa pisau.
Huhu.
Then doc bius cakap,
Aku boleh rasa org raba2.
Tapi i wasnt supposed to feel d pain.
Aku cakap aku paham.
But d one i felt earlier was pain.
Doc Idayu letak n gores lagi skali.
I still felt d same pain.
So i let them know again.
Doc bius suruh doc Idayu hold on dulu.
After a minute or so,
I think i was totally sank.
So doc Idayu pon start belah my tummy n i wasnt feel pain at all.
But u can feel they were doing something to d tummy.
Doc bius was there d whole process.
She would letme know what was happening.
Sambil ajak borak2.

N she told me yg dorang dah nak keluarkan my 1st baby.
They ruptured d water bag.
Gussshhhh...
Basah air ketumban meleleh sampai ketiak aku okeh.
N d nurses pon cheered 'banjir!banjir!'

Masa dah keluarkan Malisa aku x dengar pon dia nanges.
I was a bit worried.
Doc bius cakap ada pakar kanak2 kat situ tengah handle my baby n i should not worry.
Aku cuba nak intai apa dorg buat kat baby tapi kain yg dorg letak depan muka tu mmg a big barrier la.

Then Doc Idayu keluarkan 2nd baby.
Dengar dengan jelas Maeisya cried.
Comel sgt bunyinyaaa!
Again x nampak what they were doing to both babies.

Masa nak muka stitching,
Tetibe aku rasa pening n nak muntah.
Aku btau doc bius.
So she checked my pressure n did something.
Lps tu rasa tenang skit.

Habis jahit they cleaned me up.
Masa tu dah half naked je.
N who cares?
Terpaksa jela redha sbb mmg camtu agaknya dorg buat.
T-T

Masa dorg removed d cloth depan muka,
The first thing that came into my sight was my twins.
Tapi x nampak jelas.
Ada 2 org doctors were doing something to them.
But i could hear d nurses were commenting how small they were.
800grammer - what to expect?

Before ditolak keluar,
Pakar kanak2 told me that both of them needed breathing help.
But d hospital did not have enough ventilators.
The babies will have to use yg emergency room punya ventilators.
So kalau ada case mak kena beranak macam aku,nanti d next babies tak ada ventilators at all to support the babies.
They will try to get other ventilators from other hospitals.

Perasaan adalah sedih sebab tak dapat lgsung tgok my babies.
Apatah lagi nak sentuh.

I was left for isolation dlm 30mins.
Lepas tu baru dorg wheeled me back to d ward.

Sampai ward, Z n family tak sampai lagi.
Haihhh.
Dok la aku sorg2 atas katil.
Nurse dtg n btau aku x boleh bangun for d 1st 6hours.
X boleh terus makan.
Kena minum air ksong dulu. Then kalau x muntah boleh try milo.
N kalau boleh trima milo, boleh try makan porridge.
Masa time Zareef dulu aku ingat lagi aku muntah banyak kali after bersalin.
Tp kali ni alhamdulillah Allah mudahkan sumenye.
Aku x muntah langsung n nurse n doc terkejut aku dah makan porridge ptg tu...

Aku kol Z n btau aku dah abes operate pon.
Lepas 15min dorg sampai.
Z n mak muka sayu je sbb aku sorg2 d whole process.
Aku suruh Z tengok twins kat bawah n get some updates.

Itulah pengalaman bersalin secara csect.
Everything happened so fast.
Mmg x rasa sakit masa tu.
Tp post pain dia aku tak boleh lupaaaa.
Biarlah bersalin normal pada aku.

Now dah 2weeks.
Kadg2 sakit masih terasa.
Cuma x macam 1st few days tu la..
Huu scaryyyy!

Malisa n Maeisya,
If one day u two read this,
Mama wants u to know that everything worth it when i delivered both of u to d world.
It was a battle. A gamble.
And mama n papa are proud that we made d right decision n be firm with it.

Zareef, Malisa n Maeisya r d most precious gifts from Allah.

Psst: x tahu la akan bertambah lagi atau x lepas ni. Rezeki Allah, aku terima seadanya... :)

++ DaY 10 ++

I wish i have d time to blog about d day i delivered my twins.
Even d babies are not around,
I am still struggle to express d milk n with d frequent visit to nicu.
Kena tulis jgk ni takut lupa plk nanti.

I am here in hukm.
Baru lepas visit little zaras.
Alhamdullillah.
Sekarang both of them are trained to breath by themselves.
No more breathing apparatus attached on the body.
Malisa is weighing at 1.6kg; Maeisya is 780gms.
Ada slight decrease in weight which is normal according to them.

I have started d kangaroo care with both of them yesterday.
Macam x pecaya.
After 9days baru dapat cuddle n hold my little ones in d arms.
Puas ciom n peluk.
=)

Hari ni tadi nurse cakap dah boleh train Malisa on direct feeding.
Tapi Malisa x pandai lagi.
Ade a few times she tried to suck.
Selebihnya dia tido.
Hahaha.

Maeisya pon tido lena bila we did kangaroo care td.
I cant wait to put both of u side by side.
Muka dorg sama (yela, identical twins kan).
Cuma maeisya nampak kurus.
Malisa ada pipi yg boleh dicubit.
Hehe.

Alhamdulillah.
I hope no more medical issues lepas ni.
Biarlah mereka dapat membesar dgn sihat dan sempurna.
Amin.

++ KeMBaR 3 ++

Itulah yg kawan-kawan cakap.
Hehe.
Genap 8hari lepas kelahiran Malisa n Maeisya,
Arini KN dah start buka on9 order.

Alhamdulillah.
Allah swt adalah sebaik-baik perancang.
Bertambah lagi keluasan rezeki kami sekeluarga.

Terima Kasih, Ya Allah.

++ 3 ++

10/06/10 - 10/06/13

++ ZaRaS' uPDaTeS ++

D main concern of d twins earlier was there were no ventilators available in HUKM.
D doctors had to call hospitals from south perak down to batu pahat to check for ventilators.
Tapi memang semua penuh.

So my twins were sort of 'squatting' kat Labour Room.
Amazingly,hanya Malisa yg perlukan ventilator.
D small Maeisya depending on CPAP.
So my main concern was that Malisa might be moved to different hospital kalau ada ventilator.

Yesterday morning Z wheeled me to d nicu to visit Zaras.
MasyaAllah.
Maeisya is such a tiny baby.
But then she is very active.
Malisa was sleeping n she looked a bit tired.
I couldnt stand too long.
Enduring d csect post pain was unberable.
T-T

D paed was there,
So i asked her whether Zaras will still need to be moved to other hospitals.
I cant imagine if one is sent to batu pahat,d other 1 to melaka (for example),how am i going to keep up on visiting both of them.

D doctor told me that Zaras r not going to be moved sbb both of them r on CPAP now.
Alhamdulillah.
Lega sgt2.
These two r miracle babies.

When i told Prof Norzi n d team abt d babies' conditions,
They were so happy.
Prof Norzi was a bit shocked how fast Zaras cope with d breathing problem.

Ya Allah. Ya Allah. Ya Allah.
Plz protect n ease my twin daughters' journey.
Ease their pain.
Help them gain d awaiting weight.

++ aLHaMDuLiLLaH ++

06/06/13
10-ish AM (will b updated)

I have given birth to a pair of identical princesses via emergency csect.

Everything happened so fast.
Both of my twins are having breathing difficulties but according to doctors,
They are doing fine.
I hope everything will b fine.

I havent had d chance of touching my own babies.
Dapat tengok dr jauh je.
Z dah masuk nicu n amek gambar wpon x boleh.

I will need to start walking today.
Catherer dah cabut.
Not sure how to bear with d pain.
Nak bangun duduk pon sakit amat semalam.
T-T

Will update more.

Welcome to dunya my princesses...

Nur Zara Malisa - 1.66kg
Nur Zara Maeisya - 800gms

These are d mighty fighters!