I'm old.

I miss the younger me sometimes.

The good old times where we only need to worry about ourselves and nothing else.

As our age increases, 

Our responsibility towards people around us (and towards ourselves) are getting heavier.

No more sleepless night trying to finish a good novel.

No more movie marathon or late night movies.

No more strolling at the parks.

No more listening to loud musics in the car.

The no more-list could be longer actually.

Haha. 

Now that i'm married with 3kids, 

I spent my leisure time differently. 

Hey wait! Do I still have leisure time?

I noticed that I'm no longer worried about how do I look. 

Whenever Z decided to go out n he gave me like 1hour time to get ready, 

I will just grab anything that iron-less shirts from the wardrobe. 

Then I would pair my outfits with any available head scarfs that I've been wearing a few times in a week. 

Uhuk.

That will only take about 15mins time for me to get ready. 

The rest would be me busy getting the kids ready. 

I'm glad that Z would pack the diaper bag and get the bottles, thermos, and milk ready. 

Most of the time, we will utilise 50% of our energy getting ready to go out. 

Life has been super challenging. 

I (sometimes) secretly plan to run away from home.

Haha. 

I know things would never be the same anymore. 

I would never see the world as a place to be young and wild. 

Now i feel that the world is a vulnerable , dangerous place. 

I'm so scared of the challenges that my kids will have to face in this world. 

I think too much about my family. 

Things that I have never bothered before have become my number one world problem. 

N yeap, the old me loves to nag.

I feel darn tired sometimes. 

But still I can nag at petty things. 

Hmm.

I hate my older version. 

How do I change this?

Hey world, could you please slow down a bit? Pretty please...

++ 2015 ++

There were so many things happened in 2014.

Bitter sweet, ups and downs of life that will remain as memories. 

I did not fulfill two of my wishes last year. 

I did not continue my Masters, nor did I complete my second manuscript. 😞

But one thing for sure, I did not give Zareef and Zaras new sibling. Hahaha 😛

My friend and I embarked on something we love. 

A new adventure to treasure. 

I don't feel like sharing in details yet. 

But sure thing, I will reveal soon. 

Writing is still my passion. 

Will keep updating since the Blogger Apps dah improved. 

On the 31st of December, we finally own a Honda. 

We went thru a lot of dramas to get our new car. 

Asyik bad experience dengan the car dealer. 

Tapi tak pa. Rupanya Allah nak bagi cash rebate yang lebih banyak. 😊

My 1st baby still remain in the family.

Lepas ni dia serve Z pulak sampai Z beli kereta lain. 

Till here then. 

++ BeiNg a MoTheR ++

i'm not a supermom, and never will i be...

masih banyak yang tak perfect.
masih banyak yang perlu diperbetulkan.

kadang-kadang segan bile orang pm,
n cakap kita ni idol dorang.

"X jadikan Lya sebagai contoh tau. Kalau penat sangat nak nangis, mesti cakap kat diri sendiri... Lya kuat. so X pon mesti kuat"

"Aku kagum betul la dengan kau! Kau memang supermom!"

"Camna you cope eh Lya? I yang tak kahwin lagi, anak tak ade, tapi rasa stress sangat..."

Allahu...

Kadang-kadang nak larik nyorok dalam selimut bila orang adore kita.
sebab deep down inside, you know who you are.
you know your darn limit.

it's just that i didn't show when i'm upset.
i didn't breakdown in front of random people.
i didn't bitch about my life in public.

i just don't. at least until now.

i have no super power, nor do i have secret magic.

i'm an ordinary woman...
who occasionally tears when i can't take it any longer.

n i tell myself, menangislahhhhhh....
tak payah dok tahan-tahan...

n i do talk about my life with Z, or my besties, or my mom and sisters.
tu je orang yang aku percaya.

bukan bermaksud aku hipokrit.
seolah-olah nak tunjuk hidup aku sempurna kat orang lain.
tapi untuk apa aku merungut-rungut kat FB pasal penat jaga anak?
dah la tak dapat pahala.
seolah-olah tak bersyukur pulak tu Allah bagi pinjaman.

aku selalu share gambar twins berjaga malam.
n adelah letak emoticons menangis camtu.
tapi takdalah nak jadikan isu sangat.

aku bersyukur, n belajar bersabar.

bukan semua orang dapat pengalaman ni.

sesusah mana pun, bersabarlah.

ALLAH MAHA MENGETAHUI.

to all mums out there,
menangislah bila perlu.
berceritalah pada yg ikhlas mendengar.

tanggung jawab seorang isteri dan ibu bukan senang.
nak-nak pulak ko kerja keluar pagi balik petang.
i feel you.

we have our right to cry.
at least reda sikit tekanan tu.

aku sendiri kalau dah tak tahu nak ngadu kat sapa,
aku menangis dalam solat.

dalam setiap doa aku mintak Allah bagi kekuatan dan kesabaran utk kami besarkan anak-anak.

Allah itu Maha Adil.

bila Dia bagi, maksudnya kita mampu.

jadi hadapi dengan senyuman dan genangan air mata.

i'm sure everything worth it.

Yours truly,
MakAnakBanyak.

++ aDdiCtiOn ++

     Adding new colours to my collection. 

++ HeLLo 2014 ++

dah 2014???!!!

lama gila in hiatus.

inilah naseb emak beranak banyak!

huhuhu.

dulu rajin jugak update pakai phone.

ni apps blogger untuk iphone cam lousy je.

aritu dah typed panjang-panjang then hilang begitu saje.

bengkerk ati kite.

azam 2014 adelah TIDAK TERmengandung lagi.

hahaha.

tak delah.

tapi kalau rezki x boleh tolak.

cuma harapnya diri ini akan semakin pintar mem-family-planning.

jaga 3 orang ni pon rasa nak nanges tiap-tiap ari.

azam lain adelah nak siapkan manuskrip kedua.

azam lain lagi adelah nak kembali sambung masters in september.

takpela amek 2subjects pon 1 sem.

biar la lembab mcm kura-kura pon.

at least benda tu berjalan.

this sem i am appointed as a coordinator of a new course.

life is as busy as tutttt.

dengan aritu Zaras tamo tido malam hampir 2months.

life was soooooo challenging.

sometimes i cried while praying.

T-T

saje nak update laju-laju wpon tak de sape bace.

(well, aku suke bace balik entry-entry kat blog ni.)

elok lepas aku habes cuti half paid leave,

Z pon start keje baru.

company yg lebih besar n selesa.

n offers lebih banyak perks.

yang best Z keje isnin-jumaat 8-6pm.

kadang-kadang je kene p tgok site ari sabtu or balik lewat skit on weekdays.

2nd perk is the company offers 25k medical card coverage to all family members.

each of us is entitled for the 25k annually.

so memang sekarang selalu refer to KPJ.

sebab this med card covers everything.

alhamdulillah.

actually early 2013,

Z ade g interview kat Singapore.

memang dapat.

gaji 7-8k mcmtu.

at first Z had to postpone to report duty.

tp dah lepas tu pregnant kembar n bermasalah,

so Z turn down the offer.

paling kesian masa dia kena ulang alik PD-KL-HUKM

masa Zaras kat nicu dulu.

tapi everything is worth it.

sekarang dapat job yang jauh lebih baik.

alhamdulillah.

Zereef turned 3 last month.

boleh la bercakap sikit-sikit.

Zareef pon kadang-kadang ade tantrum dia jugak.

pening mama n papa nak layan.

My Zaras are 9months+ now.

Malisa dah started crawling dekat sebulan.

ada 2batang gigi.

suka berdiri n asyik terjatuh.

lasak kalah Zareef masa kecik dulu.

naughty n bijak sangat.

chubby.

Maeisya baru started crawling semalam.

belum ada gigi tapi macam tengah gatal gusi.

sangat obedient.

tak melasak macam Malisa.

selalu jadi mangsa buli Malisa.

slim and slender.

kadang-kadang masih tak percaya Allah pinjamkan nikmat yang terlalu best ini!

ada anak kembar adelah sangat mengujakan!

hahahaha.

pegi mana-mana pon org jadi friendly kat kita.

tapi penatnya memang double.

i have eyebags now.

n sometimes i become very moody.

penat.

sapa yang tahu, tahu lah.

huhu.

mujurlah badan masih seperti anak dara.

so siapa-siapa pun macam tak percaya aku dah ade 3 anak.

oklah.

awet muda.

hahaha.

meh tengok gambar Zaras.

ok bai!