Wednesday, June 5, 2013

++ WeeK 31, WaRdEd n ZaReeF ++

...gambar lama yg mengundang tangisan...

Here r i am.
Being hospitalized for more than 12hours.
Couldnt sleep though.
This is my 2nd time being warded after d 1st one at Pantai Pu3 delivering Zareef.

We went for Doppler n Growth scan earlier yesterday.
Somehow d blood flow result is still d same as last week.
Twin A is now weighing at 1.8kgs n Twin B is at 747gms.
They are growing.
But later when i went down to c another doc,
I told her that somehow i feel twin B has less movements.
Andddd taraaaaaa!
Here i am.
Trus warded!

Warded around 1pm cmtu.
They put d ctg thingy on my tummy to check the babies' heart rate.
D doc told me that i cant eat.
Coz if d result is not satisfying,
I will go thru emergency csect in d evening.
D ctg test went on for abt 1 hour due to technical issues.
Patah pinggang.
But Alhamdulillah.
D 1st result was ok.
Doc ckp boleh makan n i was d happiest mommy in the world.
Z tapau my fav lauk from kayu kandar.

After lunch,
They gave me dexa shot.
Kali ni mental wasnt as strong as d previous one.
Terasa sakitnyaaaaa.
Tp xde la nangis.
D pain subsided abt 15-20mins camtu.
But later at nite i started experiencing d post pain.
Kaki kebas.n babies mengeras semacam.
N just now i completed my 4th dexa shot at 3am.

Bila Z balik around 6-ish,
Aku dah mula rasa sunyi.
I havent talked with d neighbouring ward mates sbb dorg sume tgh sakit.
Ade yg tgh bear contractions, ada yg baru lepas deliver..n d one next to me baru balik from labour room.her hubs n relatives didnt look happy n there wasnt any bassinet being wheeled next to her.
X macam org lain yg lepas deliver trus nurses anta baby kat d mommies.

I started texting Z n cried.
D truth is,i miss Zareef n Z damned much.
These past few days Zareef was so clingy to me.
Everynite he would ask me to cuddle him n he would wrap his hand around my neck.
His nose touched my nose.
I miss him.
I miss him badly.
N i started thinking that i need to spend more time with him before d twins are delivered n absorbed every1's attention.

I was crying so bad behind d curtain that i didnt realize d nurse came in to check on me.
She was on shocked seeing me crying n started checking my tummy as she tot i had contractions.

I know i am so fragile right now n this is not good.
Z came at 9.50 with Zareef.
He had to sneak Zareef in.
I started tearing seeing Zareef n couldnt stop kissing his face.
Z brought kfc n i enjoyed watching both of them eating.
I hugged Z while he was eating n played with Zareef at d same time.

They werent long sbb mmg bukan visiting hours.
I wanted to say a lot of things to Z but couldnt utter any words.
Peluk n ciom Zareef like mad n cried like mad.
Z kissed me trillion times n i think i wet him with my tears.

I better stop typing all this out.
Banjir lagi ward ni nnnti.

I dont know what to expect after this.
Tomorrow Prof Norzi will come check on me n explain d planning.

I still hope n pray that we can hold on to week 36.
Allah listens.
But i believe He will always have better plannings.

It is already 4.37am.
I barely slept for d past hours.
D newborn babies r crying every 10mins.
A training session for d future twin mommy i guess.

I was abt to sleep just now when i became sentimental all over again.
Looking at d chair Z sat d whole day n d bed Zareef sat on....hmmmm...

For d past hours, there were so many times that i felt hopeless n helpless.
It took me a few minutes to gain back my senses.
What d hell has gotten into me?
Ive been so strong before this to be here at week 31.
In fact the darlings inside are mighty fighters as well!

I have to b honest that twin pregnancy is never easy.
It has taken its toll on me.
Ive been riding d emotional rollercoaster.
One thing that i learnt is my spiritual journey has never been this absolute.

Till then.
I will update what is going to happen later.
Jurnal for self reference.

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