++ DeSiReS ++

in previous entry,
i did tell u how i wanted to marry so badly.
i put on hold some of my dreams just that to chase this ONE dream.

now that i'm married,
sometimes i feel jealous with bunch of single ladies out there.
peculiar?
yes.
i just dont understand what i really want actually.

juggling between my career,
house chores,
super active growing Zareef,
sometimes -sweet-sometimes-not Z,
n many other things,
i want an escapade so badly!
i need a retreat.
i want to go out with my friends.
so free.
so happy.
without bothering about what to cook,
who's taking care of d laundry,
the piling up dishes in d sink....
[d list will go on like forever...]

it's been some times i enjoy reading novel on the bed.
Zareef is almost 9months.
so it has been more than 9months i stop doing something i like.
i dont enjoy reading when 80% of my concentration is on him.!
u never know.
this little Zareef is super active!
hehehehe.

am i complaining?
i hope i dont sound like one.
this is just a piece of sharing how my life has transformed
from one phase to another.

this is what i want.
a marriage.
but why do i get jealous when peeping thru single ladies' lives?

am i not happy with my marriage?
Hell no!
despite cleaning diapers moments, sleepless nights,
house chores burdens,
i cant imagine anything better than
being sandwhiched by Z n Zareef everynight.

i guess i just miss my single moments.
d late night movies.
d window shopping.
reading novels n eating chocolates as much as i want,
errr...d scandalssss...

sometimes i even secretly plan to have a holiday by myself!
ha-ha.

nothing better than having a family.
but watching late night movies without worrying abt house chores
is also a bliss!
it is just that i have had my time.
it's a past now!
no matter how badly i want to go back to that era,
i CANT.

here i am.
taking life from different perspectives.
LIFE cant make it good for me.
i have to live mylife to the best.

after all,
what's better than growing old with d loved ones?

everytime i feel jealous with single ladies,
i just need a knock on my head.
n i whisper this to myself...

"what a girl wants, isn't always what a girl needs.."

++ NoW & tHeN ++

marriage is not perfect all the times.
i experience different things during lovey-dovey couple moments
and after i am married.

i always tak sabar to get married dulu.
i cant tolerate dgn perasaan rindu yg membuak-buak.
how funny z n i spent a lot of money, time n energy.
berulang-alik kl-penang.
then kl-johor-perak.
just because we missed each other so much.

ari-ari pon we kept on discussing about wedding.
cite nak anak bape la...
blabalabla...
hp macam tak berengang.
sikit-sikit message.
tade mende pon nak cakap.
tapi wajib msg melainkan waktu tido, solat, berak, mandi.
hahahaha.
mase DiGi buat promo utk Uni students dulu,
kol singgit lepas tu letak.
then kol balik for free the whole day.
masyaALLAH..
z akan kol sepanjang hari.
die buat assignment die kat UM.
aku buat keje aku kat USM.
die sembang dgn kawan-kawan die di UM.
aku sembang dengan clique aku di USM.
tp we were on the phone!
sampai mcmtu skali!

=)

d gooooood old times...

sekarang,
after everything is halal,
i found that marriage is not as sweet as i thought of before this.
is it because i expect too much?

now that we live together,
seeing each other,
there r more issues to argue about.
HA-HA.
simple little things have been so big for me.
yes.ME.
Z jenis pendam n terime je.
aku je yg suke emo-emo.

fasa hidup aku adelah super cepat!
baru keje terus kawen terus ngandung terus beranakkan Zareef comel.
cepatttt sgt!
baru nak enjoy duit gaji dah kene nyimpan tuk kawen.
baru nak berkepit lepas kawen terus ngandung.
hormon org ngandung ni pelik sikit.hihi.
then Zareef datang n aku menjadi sgt bz sebagai Supermak!
Z bukanlah tak sehebat Superbapak.
cume keje mak lagi banyak kan.

i find myself restless n very tired every morning n every night.
=(
yelah.i'm a working housewife...
Z balik keje dah malam.
tak banyak yg die boleh tolong.
n sometimes aku tak suke nak suruh-suruh.
[hoping that he will know what to do which he doesnt.hahaha]
so aku kuat emo.
Z suke buat lawak bile aku merajuk.
dok raba geletek nak bagi aku gelak.
kadang-kadang jadi.
kadang-kadang buat aku lg emo.
:D
so mule la masing-masing merajuk.

i remember a few months ago.
when i was too tired,
Z pulak x paham....
i cried while washing d dishes.
Z terkujat n terus peluk dari belakang.
n pujuk-pujuk.
i didnt expect that i would broke like that.
tetibe je rase sedih n letih SANGAT-SANGAT.
n i dont want that to happen again.
n i dont want to remind Z dat i need his help when i broke like that.
he should help me earlier before.
NO?

aku adelah selalu emo.
kadang-kadang terpikir.
ade baby blues lagi ke?
siap plan nak lari jauh-jauh bagi Z cuak.
hahaha.

it doesnt happen all the times.
there r sweet n happy moments too!
BUT...

i keep on asking myself.
kenape Z x sweet mcm dulu?
dulu die x delah romantic sgt.
tapi he really took good care of me.
dengar ade budak ajak kua makan,
die dah punched dinding kete sampai luke tangan.
jeles lah kan.
gaduh je terus terjah dari UM ke USM.
oh hebat nye rase power cinta waktu tu.

sekarang die dah x sayang ke?
bile cite ade budak laki kat mcD ikut sampai kereta,
die cume cakap lepas ni pakai cincin.
haha.
paling dasat pon bile ade engineering student yg very daring
dok puji-puji mata aku,
Z cakap nak g jumpa budak tuh.
bile partner jeles rase macam disayangi!
NO?

ni lah masalah aku.
selalu rase Z macam dah tak sayang.
so selalu tanye.
abg syg syg x?
banyak mane?
Z pon boring nak jawab.

sebenarnye i'm d one yg x berubah mengikut masa.
times change.
marriage is something real.
zaman couple is more to fairytale.
bile Z x cakap die sayang,
doent mean dia x sayang.
cuma there r so many commitments lain.
tapi aku suka dia cakap sayang tiap-tiap ari macam dulu.
=(

kesian Z kena layan perangai budak-budak inih!
when i sad,
i always remember d traits that made me fall in love to Z...
d good old times.
n d good new times we had after marriage.
[ade...bukan xde...]
cume yelah...
aku suke kami sentiase mcm dulu.
cume skrg Z sgt bz dgn keroje.
selalu tension pasal keroje.
n aku tahu.
i'm not fair to him too.
dulu manja kemain.
sekarang ni letak baju kat dining table pon aku bebel x henti.
=(

marriage is a long life learning.
we learn new things everyday.
dah la x berguru.
jadi kite kene pk ape yg baik n ape yg tidak.
baru setahun lebih.
there r more to come!
z n i should learn to tolerate
n spice up our r/ship.
moga dipermudahkan Allah!

thanks to that little boy, Zareef.
gaduh macamane pon,
when Zareef buat lawak,
kami mesti gelak same-same.
mesti dok cakap-cakap pasal Zareef.

so terus berbaik.
:)

++ HeaRt MeLTiNG ++

sgt rindu dia.
rasa nak balik n hug him tightly NOW.

++ TaiWaN..ToUcH oUr hEaRt ++

oh.dah 3minggu dekat.
baru berkesempatan nak cite.
bukan wajibbul pon.
tp dah tua nanti kot da nyanyuk,
boleh baca kat cni!

so it was 8-day trip.
we went around d whole taiwan island.
kire singgah cni jap,
singgah sane jap.

at 1st i was a bit tak excited about d trip.
i worried too much about Zareef.
pasal makanan die,
takut die crancky,
takut die x cukuop tido,
n d list goes on.

tp masyaAllah.
i enjoyed d trip!
despite d fact agak penat sbb pusing 1 island,
tapi yg lain mmg enjoy.
Zareef ade la sgt baik.
sume org suke die.
in our trip ade 22org + 1 tourist guide + 1 tour leader.
sume fanatic kat Zareef.
dorang suke mate bulat die.
[macam mate mommy die kan!]

kirenye g mane-mane pon sume sebuk nak dukung,
ambil gambar die.
org taiwan, china, japan, korea....
suma dok kerumun dia.
da la rasa glamour sbb i'm d only one yg pakai tudung.
Zareef asyik posing la org ambil gambar, record video pasal dia.

ada 1 time,
an old couple from China
simply grabbed Zareef from me.
i was so surprised n panicked!
da la tak boleh berbahasa inggeris.
dok chong cheng,
ambil Zareef bawak lari kat tour group dia
T-T
seriously menakutkan.
dorg ckp Zareef comel.mata bulat.
ni pon chinese from tour group aku la yg translate.

oh yeap.
Taiwanese tak boleh berbahasa inggeris ye.
simple pon tak boleh.
kalau tanya how much,
dorg paham.
tapi ambil calculator nak btau harga!

tempat paling best adelah night market kat Taipei!
gila besttttt!
since dorg nak tukar musim,
so banyak barang yg dijual murah.
aku beli banyak gile tops.
kene tengok jugak la.
ade yg murah.
ade yg mahal.
mommy Zareef beli yg murah sajo.
hikhik.
souvenirs mahal kat sana.
keychain 6 rm20.
t-shirt yg ade signature taiwan sume rm30.
huh.

makanan adelah tade yg halal.
kecuali kalau g dekat masjid die.
kat taiwan ade 3,4 masjid je.
jadi kami makan kedai pure vege.
tak pon makan kat tempat yg dijamin tade pork.
sume bergantung kat tour guide la.
nasib tour guide sgt memahami.
sbb kami je melayu muslim.
tapi die akan pastikan setiap makan minum kami.
selebihnya adelah tawakal.
:)

oklah.
kat bawah ni gambar sepanjang kami d Taiwan.


-sian Zareef tersenget-


-ombak kuat sgt kat cni. ni adelah bahagian selatan Taiwan-


-suasana night market-


-yours truly yg sibuk buat investment-


-yours truly-


-my heroes-


- my heroes lagi -



- night market lagi-


- alhamdulillah sempat melawat masjid d Taipei -


- Narako National Park. cantik sangat!-


- in d cave -



- before depature -


- kat taman bunga -


- peminat fanatic anakanda-


baiklah!
itu saja.
nak cite details macam x larat je.
ni pon sambil update blog da bape kali pause.
jap-jap Zareef merengek.
jap-jap da tergolek.
hadui.
naseb la comel sgt!

++ u ++

happy birthday to YOU.
wishing u d best of life.
insyaAllah.
:)

++ mY ZaReeF ++

i wanted to blog about taiwan trip!
but im using my pc in office n i dunno y
i cant resize d photos!
nak buat kat rumah mmg la mcm xkan je kan.

so nanti-nanti la ye.

my little Zareef is 8months+.
Ya Allah.
macam-macam perangai da skrg ni.
tp seriously,
wpon penat, i feel happy seeing him this way.

zareef da sifu merangkak.
he treasures all d territories in d house.
sangat suke berdiri kat mane-mane yg boleh.
his fav spot will b d dining table.
to b precise kaki dining table.
he doesnt really care with d cartoons or his toys nowadays.

he can utter mama, mamamamamamama, papa n ababababa...
cute gile...
i think he knows that mama refers to me n papa refers to z.
because he will b looking at us.
n if i answer him,
he will be so happy n crawl on my lap.

he develops manja habit in taiwan.
asyik nak berdukung ngan mama je.
everything will b mama.
sampai rumah je if mama nak bangun bukak tudung pon
nanges macam kene dera.T-T
sgt suka nenen.
i mean bergayut je la keje nye wpon my milk production is zero sometimes.
kalau z kacau confirm dia nanges sekuat ati.
n mama terpaksa ala-ala pasrah je.
T-T

i think by this age,
he has started learning n adapting with d environment.
he wants to try things out n loves to grab anything that he sees.
but babies at this age will be learning thru eating.
literally i meant.
zareef will simply put everything into his mouth.
makan tissue, paper excerpt, kotak, bedak n macam-macam lg.
risau je haku!

n now he is very independent.
dah pandai meneroka rumah seorang diri.
there was one time,
i TER-dozed off about 10mins.
bile terjage tengok die tade n tade bunyi pulak tu.
senyap je.
gile cuak!
rupe dok kat corner of d house n makan kertas!
T_T
pernah jugak kuar from toilet n cari die kat living room
[well, he was there bfore i went to d toilet]
n he WASN'T there!
cari kat dapur tade.
cari kat corner living room tade.
rupenye in d middle room tengah main hanger.

my little sayang.
he always makes me smile.

nak letak gambar x boleh resize pulak.
huhu.

tu je.
papai!

oh ye.
i believe Zareef manja dengan mama than papa.
kalau papa dukung pon mata kat mama je.
kalau mama datang dekat,
sure depa tangan o tarik tudung minta dukung.
n yesterday,
zareef was crawling.
z thought that zareef was crawling towards him.
instead, zareef came to me.
crawled pass z without giving a glance pon!
ha-ha.

++ BLuEs ++

ohhh..im still on blues.
it's been a week after Taiwan trip.
but it seems that my mind n body r not ready for work,YET!
bile nak ready?
TAH!
hihihi.

we are bz preparing n vetting the exam papers.
bosan.
T-T

footnote:yes!it was a splendid babymoon!:)

not much time to blog.

will write later!