++ oF LoVe ++

"Love is taking a few steps backward (maybe even more)...to give way to the happiness of the person you love."



-Extraordinary Love for Extraordinary person-

++SiLeNt cRy ++

i cried in my heart when looking at our wedding pictures.
how fast time passed by.
it feels like yesterday we made our vows on solemnization day.

it's been a year plus already.

yes.i am an emotional woman.
Allah knows what's inside my heart.
how much i love Z n our little Zareef.
only Allah knows.



your love lights me in darkness.

alhamdulillah.

++ tHeSe DaTeS ++

last year, 2010, on these dates...

-10/06/10-


-11/06/10-


-12/06/10-


and...

-13/06/10-


this year,2011...
a simple,budget celebration was held between the 3 of us.
hihi.
after my-almost-fainted incident last week,
this week z was attacked by diarrhea,
n Zareef was infected by cough.
plus d money status is not OK.
so duk umah diam-diam.
T-T

thanks for the one year of love-hatred journey.
i think we have learned a lot of things.
n Allah has granted us with the most valuable, beautiful gift ever~ Zareef.
i'm thankful for being ur wife, alhamdulillah.
n insyaAllah,till death do us apart.

ade rezki next month we shoot to Melaka n have our babymoon.
haha.

++ LiVe iT uP ++

heart shatters.
dream flies.
hope leaves.

but life goes on.

alhamdulillah.

:)

++ HoW? ++

how do we mend a broken heart?
i dunno.
i just dunno.

i can't simply forget everything and live my life as if nothing that has ripped my heart had happened.
i can't.
i just can't.

no matter how many apologizes are given,
no matter how hard u cried,
no matter how bad u regretted,
no matter how hard i tried,
no matter u made new vows,
things can't be undone.

YOU have done this.

HOW could YOU....

++ eMpTiNeSs ++

it's kind of weird seeing me posting entries in a row.
but i desperately need a medium to let out my feelings.
i love writing here.
even though i know time to time stupid stalkers will come n visit me.

my feelings are so uncertain right now.
nothing keeps me sturdy except Zareef.

am i devastated?
am i hurt?
am i betrayed?

i answer a yes for every question up there.

Ya Allah.
i've pictured this so many times before in my mind.
but i never thought it would come true!
but then i should pinch myself now to wake me up from dreaming.

there are so many questions thudding in my head.
the most prominent is "WHY?"
i need the answer so that i can stop blaming n cursing myself.

nah Lya.
u shouldn't blame yourself.

fullstop.

hey you.i hope u know that not all broken hearts can be mended.

++ LiFe ++

life is like a box of everything!
most of the time, it contains a lot of surprises.
good.n bad surprises.
i hate surprises eventhough sometimes i do hope there will b warm surprises from my hubby.
:)

but who knows he could come out with 'such' surprises.
something out of mind and so powerful that smashed my heart into pieces...

thank you.
i [still] believe everything happens for a reason.
insyaAllah.

chiaooo.

++ tQ ++

thank you to....

• friends yg keep on calling and texting me asking abt my emotional status recently.
• friends yg sudi take me out. fetched me from my apartment n sent me back. puncak alam-seri kembangan-shah alam-damansara-seri kembangan-puncak alam. jauh tu. tenkiu...isk. terharu.
• friends yg offer tuk belikan hadiah for my bb. thanks babes~ :)
• friends yg mahu hang out with me n my tummy.
• families yg keep on calling n texting to check my condition like every few hours. :)
• husband yg belikan makanan, served right in front of me with d drinks. buying food stock, washing the dishes and run the house chores for me.[not to forget d sweet lavender on top of d tv.haihhh.comel sgt kot.smpai terpakse senyum n nanges at d same time]

thank you.

.i love you.

p dot s: salam maulidur rasul :)

++ BrOkEn? ++

weee..... penah tak korg rase camneh.
as if ade org pecahkan hati korg.
then korg susah payah tampal n cantum balek hati korg.
pehtu this person ngan selambe nye pijak hati korg lagi skali.

haih.
saket tau x.

same la dgn org yg memberi janji pastu tak tunaikan.
bukan sekali, tp berkali-kali.

n same jugak dgn org yg beri impian.
pehtu musnahkan impian tuh.

hmmm...
- random feelings -

p dot s: don't speculate. only we know the truth.

dalam hati ada cerita.
cerita duka penuh derita.
bibir ingin mengatur bicara.
namun biarlah menjadi rahsia.

hatiku retak pecah seribu.
bagai ditusuk bisa sembilu.
kembali menyapa luka lalu.
membikin hati merintih pilu.

bagaimana di hadap masa hadapan.
jika luka masih tersimpan.
umpama ketawa dalam tangisan.
senyuman terukir dalam paksaan.

izinkan aku membawa diri.
untuk mengubat luka di hati.
moga mendapat petunjuk Ilahi.
ke arah jalan yang lebih diredhai.

p dot s:ini bukan pantun.

++ mEnDuNg ++

pagi-pagi da menangis.
mujur la malam mengundang senyuman.

hidup penuh cabaran.

treat urself n always make urself feel better!
:)

++ MoNDaY BLueS ++

waa....esok da isnin!
apekah?
cepat sgt berlalunye
detik-detik indah hujung minggu!

esok ade 2kelas je pon.
tp malasnye!!!
sebab 1st class 10-12pm.
lg 1 kul 5-7pm.
*cry*

bahan-bahan nak mengajar da cukup rasenye.
tinggal nak seru semangat je neh!
naseb baek next week cuti sem!
aku rase nak balek kg awal seket dari kenduri kakak z.
then nak g penang.

i miss penang damned much!
da setahun lebey tak g sane.
insyaAllah, kalau ade rezki,
minggu depan dapat jejak kaki
d sane.

itulah penang
: tempat belajar berlari n terjatuh :
^____^

p dot s : gambar ulang tayang mase slim melim.

++ TaTau ++

haish.
sejak da bukak sem,
mood ade lah swing.
mcm yo-yo pon ade.
when i'm not in d mood,
i definitely will not be able
to do anything!

alhamdulillah,
ketakutan nak deliver sudah ke paras normal.
means,
maseh takut.
cume tade la freaking out mcm last month.
motivationnye of kos la
bayangan bb tomei!
mummy can't wait to cuddle n kiss u bb!!!!!!

ohye.
mcm tak jd beli stroller lg.
psgn ber-anak sumenye pesan stroller bley beli later.
which is after pantang nnti ke.
btol jugak.sbb dlm pantang nak jln ke mane kan.
so z suh beli breast pump dulu.
die kate aku kene usahe breastfeed [BF] bb!
siap nak beli breast pump medela yg riban tuh.
cuak neh cuak neh.
kalu nak BF btol-btol,
kene usaha sungguh.
insyaAllah nak usaha BF kan bb jugak!

life is full with ups n downs.
tapi slalu pesan diri sndiri.
if rase susah,
sebenarnye ramai lg yg lebey susah!
emo jugak kdg-kdg on simple tiny bits.
bear with me,dear!

++ QuiCk uPDatEs ++

hello dearies...

i've been promising some of my frens

dat i'll write abt my new workplace.

it's heaven baby.

[for d tym being]

i have a bunch of cool colleagues,

i got no work at all to do.

we r having breakfast in bangi

n lunch in d mines.

then go for movies lg...

life is great.

masuk keje adelah sukati coz

we can actly ask fren to click in/out for us.

=)

but d seniors have been telling this

"enjoy ur time as long as u can"

ha.ha.

after d semester break,

i believe dat it'll b haywire.

so for d tym being,

i better enjoy myself!

yesterday z n i went out to buy wedd stuffs.

i managed to grab lace umbrella.

hoyeh!

n i'll be doing my pending pomander balls.

n yes.

aku terpk konsep arab mase mlm nikah.

nak pakai purdah tu b4 z deliver his kiss!

i dunno.

i think i would want it.

baju nikah da amek.

i love it.

kudos to unaisah.

but i havent bought my tudung nikah yet.

z has almost completed his barang hantaran yestreday.

i think evertyhting is ok.

i fell in love with z again.

seriously.

spending d wiken with him,

n him being d old him,

treating me nicely n put aside his work pressure,

i really cant wait for d 24days countdown.

++ uS ++

love lies.
it never blossoms all d tyms.
most of d tym u need to get thru
d bumping n winding route.

ppl change n dats including my beloved fiancee.
since he started working,
he changed a lot.
n he changes even more now.
do i change too?
or should i change?

i dunno.
some frens keep on telling me
dat i shuld see things from d bright side.
but i cant be dat +ve all d tyms.
i guess when money comes in,
d attention moves out.

he's been soooo bz working day n nite.
n i mean it.
day n nite.
sumtimes he worked from 8am-8am.
24hrs or more.

he doesnt have d tym to pampered me as he used to.
no more "no-purpose" sms.
no more telling stories.
no more babbling stuffs dat we do daily.
no more sweet bubble talks.
no more flirty-dirty talk.
aha.kiddo.

i miss him.
i miss him a lot.
i miss him.d old him.

he used to be so funny.
he used to crack stupid jokes.
he used to annoy me with millions ways.

n now i'm annoyed by his work.
n i dunt hv d heart to tell him diz.
he said he loves his job.
blurgh.

i should be more supportive.
think more abt d money he earns.
evil.

should behave more like a big girl.
n big girl doesnt cry.
she just cries silently in her heart.

i love u syg.
despite d rambling writing here.
i hope u noe dat.

++ a LiL cOnfeSsioN ++

sepeti da janji.
aku nak explain ttg 2 perkare.

1st ttg layout n 2nd ttg n3 ini.

layout::
yep.aku da tak pakai layout lame.
tp bukan la ats ape ape sbb spesifik.
aku suke layout yg zaza buat tu.
almost a year pakai.
cume it's a classic template.
classic template byk kelemahannye.
huhu.
so tukar layout biase.
bile pakai layout baru,
terase bersemangat balek utk menulis.
hahaha.
mungkin sbb bende tgah fresh.
idea pon jd fresh.

ttg n3 sdey::
ye.n3 itu mmg ditaip saat aku sgt sgt sgt sedey.
i dunno bout u.
but to get married,
there r tons of things cracking up in ur head.
sumtimes partner juge berubah sikap...
n i was like tamo kawen.
bukan sbb ade org ke3 dari mane mane pihak.
no no.
tp as i said ~ attitude.
attitude both of us.
so when i texted z to tell him dat i'm going to buy hantran stuffs,
he said "alhamdulillah cyg nak kawen dgn abg!"
dear...
actly,i cant imagine d future without u.

so b2b out there...
atau maybe yg sdg bercinta,
things like diz happen.
b strong.
bile aku lemah, z penguatnye.
n alhamdulillah,
aku tak terbawa bawa dgn hasutan setan je...
tips: ingat saat saat indah!

notakaki: mase cakap tamo kawen ngan z, aku siap terpikir,ade ke org nak kat aku???hahahaha...

++ hmmm ++

z gave me a call a few minutes b4...
breaking a news dat break my heart....
hmmm...
i noe dat we r going to go thru diz thing...
but i never thought dat it would be diz soon...

hmmm...
it's not final yet.
i hope we will get a new news.

plz.
plz dont leave me.again.

++ ThanK U ++

hooray!
we have been engaged for 9 months!
hiks.
kalu ade anak da pandai merangkak kot.
it's been a very looooooong n tiring journey.
da bape juta kali aku bergaduh,merajuk n mintak putus ngan pakcik neh.
n there he is.
standing still n hold on very tight to me.
he still keeps his promise to look after me n never ever let me go.
thank u.

so this appreciation is for him...

thanks for always at my side.
i noe i'm being too much most of d tyms.
but u r still here.
thanks for ur patience n love.

thanks for endless sarcatism, critics, crazy pranks n all.
u noe u hurt ur oversensitive partner
but it seems dat u cant stop those things.
n i guess i'm d one who needs to endure those for d rest of mylife.
ces.

thanks for d jokes n funny stories
dat u will alwiz share wif me...
i love d moment dat both of us will laugh so hard
that i feel like my waist is twisting
n we both will be gasping for air.
n eventho i alwiz feel embarass
when we both laugh like crazy in public,
but those memories carved in my heart.

thanks for putting my name
on d top list of ur priority...
i am truly honoured.

thanks for making me cry in my late nights...
eventho it has ended,
but u have taught me something.

thanks for being so hard on me sometimes.
i hated when u kept on commenting on d way i dressed up.
but u have made me a better person.
[no more baby t or short sleeve]
tsk!

thanks for spending tym to go on a date wif me.
eventho later on u will keep on making phone calls
to ur workers to check things up.
but there u r...
will alwiz try to fulfill my wishes.

there will b so many thanks to give away to diz 1 person.
so let me juz wrap it in 1 final saying,

thank u zakril syafrani
for...


juz being u.






.i love u.
*blush*

++ karena cinta.oh.++

assalammualaikum...

entry aku kali ni adalah tentang cinta...sebenarnye dah a few times aku nak menulis tentang cinta,tapi setiap patah perkataan tu sekadar tertulis kat minda je..susah sangat aku rase nak potray kan di screen..tah....maybe sebab nak tulis pasal cinta kena ambil mood kan..hoho...

bila cakap pasal cinta, maybe ade yang tersenyum2 sorang depan screen...membayangkan perjalanan cinta yg indah la tuh! n maybe jugak ade yg berkerut muke...terkenangkan cinta yg tak kesampaian...n mungkin ade yg tercengang-cengang sbb sepanjang die hidup ni, tak penah lg die rase ape itu cinte!sucinye oh...tapi memang ade eh org yang belum berkesempatan merasai nikmat cinta....yang tengah berbahgia mungkin kate "ruginye tak penah becinta!".tapi yg asik kecundang maybe kate "elok la tak kenal cinte.buat seksa zahir batin je!!!"...hahaha....pade aku...cinta itu indah...jika 2hati same2 merasainye...

aku percaye kebanyakan yg bercinte sentiase berdoa agar hubungan yg dibine dpt dipanjangkan hingga ke ikatan perkahwinan n seterunye berkekalan hingga ke akhir hayat...ramai yang doanye termakbul.n ramai jugak yang kecundang di pertengahan jalan...percintaan umpama suatu perjalanan yang panjang ke suatu destinasi...kalau cukup kesabaran serta bekalan yang dibawa,insyaAllah selamatlah tiba ke tempat dituju.terbinalah mahligai impian yang diidam-idamkan...bagi yang kecundang,parah lah luka dihati........

sepanjang lebih 22 thun ni,aku jugak pernah gagal mempertahankan hubungan...sakitnye putus cinta ni memang susah nak gambarkan...susah nak dikongsi dengan orang lain...orang lain boleh bagi nasihat n kekuatan, tapi tak sikit pon merasai apa yang kita rasa...sukarnye nak normalkan balek hidup...susahnye nak berdepan dgn kenyataan...susahnye nak hentikan airmate...susahnye nak buang kenangan....susahnye nak singkirkan bayangan...susahnye nak lupekan impian....susahnye nak sedarkan diri bahawa sumenye sudah berakhir........

kadang2 kite berharap sumenye hanye mimpi....namun bile terjage, kite masih ditempat yg same...masih mencium baju c die, masih menatap gambarnye...masih setia menghubungi walau kite sedar diri tak diperlukan lg...rase malu kite buang jauh2 demi memperjuangkan sebuah cinte n harapan yg masih tersisa....

berape ramai yg hilang waras kerana cinta???berapa ramai yg sanggup merosakkan diri kerana kecewa???aku pon penah jadi bodoh....aku tau...aku paham....kite sedar tindakan kite bodoh n takkan boleh kembalikan die pade kite, n yet kite still teruskan jugak...aku pon taktau tuk ape...sekadar nak puas n turutkan hati yg kecewa...sedangkan badan sendiri yang merana....

tujuan aku menulis kalini bukan untuk mengenang episod cinte aku yang da lepas....aku bahgia dgn ape yg aku milikki harini...sebuah cinte yg paling sempurna pernah aku rasai...aku menulis kerana ade kawan2 aku diluar sane yg sedang berduka...mereka tahu siapa mereka...aku harap tulisan ini memberi sedikit kekuatan untuk mereka meneruskan perjalanan hidup...aku tahu tak mudah nak kembali tersenyum seperti dulu...it takes time...tak sape boleh tolong kite to get through diz melainkan diri sndiri....

aku mahu kawan2 aku ini, yang benar2 ku anggap kawan, tabah menghadapi ujian Allah...aku tahu peritnye sekeping hati itu menanggung derita...sakitnye badan menanggung rindu...kecewanya impian tak tercapai....tapi percaya lah sahabat...ada hikmah di sebalik segala kedukaan hari ini...mungkin kite tak dapat hikmahnye dalam sehari dua...tapi percayalah, suatu hari nanti kite akan sedar segala yg berlaku ini adalah yg terbaik untuk hidup kite....waktu itu kite akan berterime kasih dan mengucapkan syukur.......

kepade mereka yg tahu siapa mereka....tolong jangan buat benda bodoh.tolong jangan rosakkan diri.tolong jangan seksa diri.teruskan menangis jika itu mengurangkan beban....percayalah...suatu hari nanti airmata kite akan kering sendiri...kite takkan lagi menangis...sebab waktu tu kite dah mampu menerima kenyataan...pecayalah pade ketetapan dan tetentuan Allah...gagal hari ni tak bermakne gagal selamanye...mungkin die akan kembali...tak sape yg tahu kan?

aku.sayang.kamu.
::tabahlah::

nota kaki : untuk insan yg teramat kucintai..dirimu adalah yg terbaik pernah kumilikki..same2lah kite jage hubungan kite agar diberkati Allah.

:: i wish i were in penang .fix me::

::aku rindukan laut itu::
assalammualaikum...

hari ni aku rase rindu yg teramat sangat pade penang.rindu pade pantainye.pade lautnye.rindu pade anginnye.dan rindu pade kenangan yang tersimpan kat situ.tapi yang paling dirindui pastinye pada lautnye...aku rase penang lah satu-satunye tempat yang boleh buat ak release tension...setiap kali ade masalah,aku mesti lari tepi laut...penah ak menangis duduk tepi batu bawah terik mentari.penah aku tension study lalu ku angkut sume notes ke tepi laut...penah aku melepak sampai ke pagi kat tepi laut.penah aku meraikan hari jadi kawan2 aku kat tepi laut.kirenye tepi laut kat penang tu dah jadi on top list aku da sepanjang blaja kat usm...

hari ni bila rase tension n sgt berserabut,aku pusing 1 town cari tempat nak stop and layan jiwang. tapi cam tak jupe je...penat pusing,ak benti kat 1 parking lot TETTTT [nama lokasi terpaksa dirahsiakan] n amek mase tak smpai 5 minit tuk nangis teresak2 sorang2 dlm kete...nangis smpai merah2 mate n skit kepala...da lame rasenye ak tak menangis tuk diri sndiri...

aku pon tak tau sebenarnye ape yang sedih sangat.selain dari kate2 yang memang melukakan itu,aku serabut sebenarnye.n rase benci kat diri sendri..sian kan...n maybe susah sgt nak cari tempat nak nangis tu pon jadi punca ak nangis.hahaha.

tapi seriously lepas nangis tu ak rase lega sket.but still i wish i were in penang.bayangkanla...mase ak nangis tu pon buruh indon baru balek dari construction kat site sebelah tu.hahahaha.takde privacy langsung...

arghhhh..rindunye kat penang...16th disember ni aku balek usm...tp for 2days je...n i guess pehni susah la da nak datang penang...i'm gonna miss penang a lot...hampir 4 tahun di sane...1 memori yang hanye aku yang tahu....

till here then...adios..