++ PaSt ++

I won't. 

++ i LoVe mY JoB ++

My current view and I think for the next 14 days I will drive myself crazy. 

So... This is my 2nd attempt as a MUET examiner. 

Last year was my first try. 

My friend n I were totally blur with the format. 

Back in UPM we do teach ASASI students but we do not prepare them for MUET due to the sylibus given. 

Hence, we were in different world when the ketua lead the moderation session. 

I remember how miserable we were to complete our marking last session. 

N we swore to ourselves no more marking for MUET. 

hahaha. 

But here we go againnn...

After our senses came back, we decided that we should give a 2nd try. 

Last time we were too laid back. 

Now we have to be discipline. That's all. (That's what we thought)

Heck. 

The only problem is that I don't go well with discipline T-T

So the love-hate relationship between me and muet kicks in. (Again)

Let's do this. 

I now understand the format and how to score the writing n listening papers. 

I should re-sit MUET. 

:p

Till here then. 

Wish me luck. 

 

@___@

I'm old.

I miss the younger me sometimes.

The good old times where we only need to worry about ourselves and nothing else.

As our age increases, 

Our responsibility towards people around us (and towards ourselves) are getting heavier.

No more sleepless night trying to finish a good novel.

No more movie marathon or late night movies.

No more strolling at the parks.

No more listening to loud musics in the car.

The no more-list could be longer actually.

Haha. 

Now that i'm married with 3kids, 

I spent my leisure time differently. 

Hey wait! Do I still have leisure time?

I noticed that I'm no longer worried about how do I look. 

Whenever Z decided to go out n he gave me like 1hour time to get ready, 

I will just grab anything that iron-less shirts from the wardrobe. 

Then I would pair my outfits with any available head scarfs that I've been wearing a few times in a week. 

Uhuk.

That will only take about 15mins time for me to get ready. 

The rest would be me busy getting the kids ready. 

I'm glad that Z would pack the diaper bag and get the bottles, thermos, and milk ready. 

Most of the time, we will utilise 50% of our energy getting ready to go out. 

Life has been super challenging. 

I (sometimes) secretly plan to run away from home.

Haha. 

I know things would never be the same anymore. 

I would never see the world as a place to be young and wild. 

Now i feel that the world is a vulnerable , dangerous place. 

I'm so scared of the challenges that my kids will have to face in this world. 

I think too much about my family. 

Things that I have never bothered before have become my number one world problem. 

N yeap, the old me loves to nag.

I feel darn tired sometimes. 

But still I can nag at petty things. 

Hmm.

I hate my older version. 

How do I change this?

Hey world, could you please slow down a bit? Pretty please...

++ 2015 ++

There were so many things happened in 2014.

Bitter sweet, ups and downs of life that will remain as memories. 

I did not fulfill two of my wishes last year. 

I did not continue my Masters, nor did I complete my second manuscript. 😞

But one thing for sure, I did not give Zareef and Zaras new sibling. Hahaha 😛

My friend and I embarked on something we love. 

A new adventure to treasure. 

I don't feel like sharing in details yet. 

But sure thing, I will reveal soon. 

Writing is still my passion. 

Will keep updating since the Blogger Apps dah improved. 

On the 31st of December, we finally own a Honda. 

We went thru a lot of dramas to get our new car. 

Asyik bad experience dengan the car dealer. 

Tapi tak pa. Rupanya Allah nak bagi cash rebate yang lebih banyak. 😊

My 1st baby still remain in the family.

Lepas ni dia serve Z pulak sampai Z beli kereta lain. 

Till here then. 

++ BeiNg a MoTheR ++

i'm not a supermom, and never will i be...

masih banyak yang tak perfect.
masih banyak yang perlu diperbetulkan.

kadang-kadang segan bile orang pm,
n cakap kita ni idol dorang.

"X jadikan Lya sebagai contoh tau. Kalau penat sangat nak nangis, mesti cakap kat diri sendiri... Lya kuat. so X pon mesti kuat"

"Aku kagum betul la dengan kau! Kau memang supermom!"

"Camna you cope eh Lya? I yang tak kahwin lagi, anak tak ade, tapi rasa stress sangat..."

Allahu...

Kadang-kadang nak larik nyorok dalam selimut bila orang adore kita.
sebab deep down inside, you know who you are.
you know your darn limit.

it's just that i didn't show when i'm upset.
i didn't breakdown in front of random people.
i didn't bitch about my life in public.

i just don't. at least until now.

i have no super power, nor do i have secret magic.

i'm an ordinary woman...
who occasionally tears when i can't take it any longer.

n i tell myself, menangislahhhhhh....
tak payah dok tahan-tahan...

n i do talk about my life with Z, or my besties, or my mom and sisters.
tu je orang yang aku percaya.

bukan bermaksud aku hipokrit.
seolah-olah nak tunjuk hidup aku sempurna kat orang lain.
tapi untuk apa aku merungut-rungut kat FB pasal penat jaga anak?
dah la tak dapat pahala.
seolah-olah tak bersyukur pulak tu Allah bagi pinjaman.

aku selalu share gambar twins berjaga malam.
n adelah letak emoticons menangis camtu.
tapi takdalah nak jadikan isu sangat.

aku bersyukur, n belajar bersabar.

bukan semua orang dapat pengalaman ni.

sesusah mana pun, bersabarlah.

ALLAH MAHA MENGETAHUI.

to all mums out there,
menangislah bila perlu.
berceritalah pada yg ikhlas mendengar.

tanggung jawab seorang isteri dan ibu bukan senang.
nak-nak pulak ko kerja keluar pagi balik petang.
i feel you.

we have our right to cry.
at least reda sikit tekanan tu.

aku sendiri kalau dah tak tahu nak ngadu kat sapa,
aku menangis dalam solat.

dalam setiap doa aku mintak Allah bagi kekuatan dan kesabaran utk kami besarkan anak-anak.

Allah itu Maha Adil.

bila Dia bagi, maksudnya kita mampu.

jadi hadapi dengan senyuman dan genangan air mata.

i'm sure everything worth it.

Yours truly,
MakAnakBanyak.