++ BeiNg a MoTheR ++

i'm not a supermom, and never will i be...

masih banyak yang tak perfect.
masih banyak yang perlu diperbetulkan.

kadang-kadang segan bile orang pm,
n cakap kita ni idol dorang.

"X jadikan Lya sebagai contoh tau. Kalau penat sangat nak nangis, mesti cakap kat diri sendiri... Lya kuat. so X pon mesti kuat"

"Aku kagum betul la dengan kau! Kau memang supermom!"

"Camna you cope eh Lya? I yang tak kahwin lagi, anak tak ade, tapi rasa stress sangat..."

Allahu...

Kadang-kadang nak larik nyorok dalam selimut bila orang adore kita.
sebab deep down inside, you know who you are.
you know your darn limit.

it's just that i didn't show when i'm upset.
i didn't breakdown in front of random people.
i didn't bitch about my life in public.

i just don't. at least until now.

i have no super power, nor do i have secret magic.

i'm an ordinary woman...
who occasionally tears when i can't take it any longer.

n i tell myself, menangislahhhhhh....
tak payah dok tahan-tahan...

n i do talk about my life with Z, or my besties, or my mom and sisters.
tu je orang yang aku percaya.

bukan bermaksud aku hipokrit.
seolah-olah nak tunjuk hidup aku sempurna kat orang lain.
tapi untuk apa aku merungut-rungut kat FB pasal penat jaga anak?
dah la tak dapat pahala.
seolah-olah tak bersyukur pulak tu Allah bagi pinjaman.

aku selalu share gambar twins berjaga malam.
n adelah letak emoticons menangis camtu.
tapi takdalah nak jadikan isu sangat.

aku bersyukur, n belajar bersabar.

bukan semua orang dapat pengalaman ni.

sesusah mana pun, bersabarlah.

ALLAH MAHA MENGETAHUI.

to all mums out there,
menangislah bila perlu.
berceritalah pada yg ikhlas mendengar.

tanggung jawab seorang isteri dan ibu bukan senang.
nak-nak pulak ko kerja keluar pagi balik petang.
i feel you.

we have our right to cry.
at least reda sikit tekanan tu.

aku sendiri kalau dah tak tahu nak ngadu kat sapa,
aku menangis dalam solat.

dalam setiap doa aku mintak Allah bagi kekuatan dan kesabaran utk kami besarkan anak-anak.

Allah itu Maha Adil.

bila Dia bagi, maksudnya kita mampu.

jadi hadapi dengan senyuman dan genangan air mata.

i'm sure everything worth it.

Yours truly,
MakAnakBanyak.

++ MiLK ++

before this, i used to think that breastfeeding was sooo not in trend.i thought that it would be easier and better to give formula milk to babies.only when i was pregnant, i started googling about breastfeeding.n when z started to interfere,i became so serious about breastfeeding Zareef.

n as i mentioned in previous n3,it is not that easy.u need to have the equipments n eventho it is a big investment,but for long run,it will benefit u n d baby insyaAllah.

i was so worried before this with the milk production.when most breastfeed mommies are period-free for months,i already got mine for twice!when u r in menstrual cycle,the milk production is declining.that was what happened to me.

i started my milk stock last 3weeks.having Zareef 24/7, i would not be able to pump seriously.his sleeping time is d best time for me to run house chores.by the time i hold medela,he will wake up n demand for milk.when i went to nilai last two days,i realized that i managed to pump out 10 oz in one session.alhamdulillah.i'm going to start working by next week.so i hope that i will b able to supply sufficient milk stock for Zareef!insyaAllah.

today z n i will need to purchase another dozen of milk storage bottles n the BPA-free plastics storage as well.i like mom's little one bottles!fit well with medela n the indicators r cute!hihi.

the best thing about breastfeed our babies is seeing how he gains his weight n develops body cells from ur own milk!every drop of mom's milk = every drop of blood = love!

up to today, i have 16bottles that consist 4 @ 5oz milk =65+ oz and some milk in plastic bags that i'm not sure of the total amount.yes,my friends have more milk stocks from mine,but i'm thankful with what gifted by Allah as for today.
:)

makanan Zareef.

++ BaBySiTTeR ++

so, i sent Zareef to his babysitter on wednesday. it was a sad,gloomy day. i cried a lot on dat day.ok,scratch dat.i cried a lottttt since a few days before....i do understand why mommies cry when they send their kids to nurseries/babysitters!

i put Zareef in his stroller.eventho the house is at 5th floor,but with so many bags,it would be easier+safer to put him in d stroller.but Zareef thought that we were going for a walk when i put him in d stroller.he smiled n laughed at me n i cried like crazy.

he was there for only 4,5hours.i went to nilai to attend a briefing.n when d briefing ended,the sky was so dark n later it rained heavily.there were a lot of thunders n lightnings.u couldn't barely see the road n other cars.but this super mummy sped all the way to see d charming little angel.

when i arrived at kak mas's house,Zareef was sleeping in the buai.as i came near him,i heard that he made sounds.like sobbing sounds in his sleep which broke my heart instantly.he might be very sad n scared being left to someone so stranger to him.when we reached our house,Zareef woke up n he looked around the house with confusing gaze.i came near him n couldn't stop myself from giving him trillion kisses n cried at the same time.Allah knows how much i miss this little kid.

he smiled n laughed at me.n i held him in hands for a long time.i need to send him again on thursday coz i'll be going to nilai againnnnn....but this time around, z will send him coz i'll be out early in the morning.so yesterday, i woke up at 6am while Zareef was still sleeping.at 6.30 i woke him up so that i could breastfeed him.he didn't sleep after that.n when i gave goodbye kisses,again he smiled n laughed at me;showing off his small dimple. :)

n i cried in the car all the way to nilai.n every chance that i got,i would look at his pictures in my handphone.it feels like u are in love with someone.

kak mas said Zareef sleeps better in buai coz he used to startle to every sound around him.yes, Zareef is easily startled by any sounds which explains the reasons why z n i talk in whispering tones,why we silent our hps,why we mute the TV n read the subtitles even for malay movies, n a lot more....hihi..it is in d beginning of his sleep.when he is really in deep sleep,he doesn't really care with what happens around him.but i do understand that kak mas won't be able to hug n sleep with him like what i've done.so i let Zareef sleeps in the buai, but minus the electric box!

i will start sending him to kak mas again by next thursday. d end of my 3months maternity leave.n i'll be going to nilai a lot.i think Zareef will be ok n he will understand why mama leaves him during the day.u'll have me all night long!

things changed.zareef n i need to catch up.we are no longer twin.berkepit doploh4jam.hihi.but i love u Zareef. n i just don't know when will i stop crying when thinking about leaving u.

Zareef n his trunks!mcm nak pindah.

mama's milk

i wonder how this small creature would give a very big impact in my life.