++ PiTy U ++

you just dont know when to stop making fun of yourself, dont you?

only one word....

K.A.S.I.H.A.N....

++HaiH ++

d least thing that i need right now is to fight with someone that i dont even know.
im in d middle of battling with my own rollercoaster emotions.
n when this someone just walked in into my life n tried to reap off my dignity,
i just couldnt take it.

i can write bad about u.
i can say a lot of things.
but i wont.
it just not part of me anymore.
dulu bolehla tulis mcm2 kat blog bila marah.
i think im matured enough not to do that anymore.
aku ingat sgt2 pesan UAI..
jgn menulis sesuatu yg tidak boleh menjadi saham kita diakhirat.

yes.
writing back to u might satisfy my anger.
but it wont last long.

i do hope that u are going to think clearly.
be matured.

byk masalah dalam dunia ni yg boleh diselesaikan dengan berbincang.
dari emo tak tentu hala.
there r so many channels that u can go thru to contact me for clarification before u simply made assumptions.

one has told me:
"b*tching in the blog doesnt make u feel powerful.it just makes u look ________"

x sampai hati nak tulis.
let it b a space for YOU to fill up.

*haih*

++ ALLaHuaKHBaR ++

something HUGE and miracle happened yesterday.

well,

we went back to Perak for 5-day holiday.

and I have decided to go for check up with my gynae in Pantai Puteri.

I've made an appointment a week before.

on Tues nite tu rasa mcm malas pulak nak g checkup.

but I had a dream that something is wrong with the baby.

so I felt I should just go for a scan to shake off the worries.

we arrived at about 1.30pm.

the clinic was closed due to lunch break.

so Z layan Zareef running here n there.

I sat on the couch and ate my sandwiches.

as time almost 2pm, 

tak tahu kenapa but I felt so anxious.

jantung berdebar laju gila.

I think I was so scared that the doc might be able to see the baby's gender.

when it was our turn,

Datin Mimin greeted us happily.

sape sangka dah almost 2years tak jumpa but she still remember us.

so we had a chit-chat about my 2nd pregnancy before she ushered me for 4d scan.

I lied down nervously.

then tanya doc, boleh tengok gender ke arini.

she said baru 15weeks. 

maybe too small to see.

tapi boleh cuba.

masa dia golek-golek alat scan tu atas perot,

aku senyum-senyum kat Z n Zareef.

oh ye, by that time my parents, younger sister n bro dah ade kat luar jugak.

n then Datin Mimin dropped a bomb.

"Doc kat sana tak bagitahu ke awak mengandung KEMBAR?"

ayat sebaris itu buat jantung aku mcm nak tercabut!

aku terus tengok screen kat depan.

"Biar betul doctor???"

Aku terus bebel-bebel ape tah kat Z n doc waktu tu.

Allah je tahu perasaan aku waktu tu...

Z n I exchanged glance.

n we both smiled.

Doc Mimin cakap, jap. let me check betul-betul.

n this time around doc showed us 2heads n 2pumping hearts.

MasyaALLAH!

aku terus suh Z panggil mak masuk.

mak n boboy masuk.

they thought gender baby adalah perempuan.

but when i told mom that i'm having twins,

mak n boboy pon terkejut gile.

panggil adik pulak masuk.

yes. there was a crowd.

Datin Mimin x kesah pon.

dia siap ingat lg kat boboy.

then she started measuring both babies.

this was when she dropped d 2nd bomb.

"something is wrong with the babies. the growth rates tak sepadan"

n then she showed Baby A besar normal. but Baby B kecil.

she said this is not good.

tapi dia nak monitor lagi for the next 2weeks.

she prepared a letter.

aku kena jumpa pakar kat DEMC lagi 2weeks.

well.

i guess every1 was too overwhelmed with the twinnies news...

we thought that the abnormal growth rate is normal......

until i went back n did some research.

then only i learned that twin pregnancies are all high-risk pregnancies.

n the condition of my babies yg satu besar n kecil is sooooo not good.

aku tak nak explain kat cni sbb aku rasa hati macam kena lenyek ngan steamroll.

T-T

wpon blom confirm,

tp aku risau sangat-sangat!

Allah je yang tahu....

macam kau baru dapat hadiah yg dah lama ko idam2kan

pastu hadiah tu jatuh berkecai depan mata.

darabkan dengan sejuta kali.

aku risau.

i slept for two hours je.

i cant stop myself from googling.

n it scared me a lot.

Ya Allah...

selamatkan kedua-dua anakku ini...

Aku mohon Engkau jauhkan mereka dari sebarang penyakit atau musibah.

biarlah mereka membesar dengan sehat dan seimbang sehingga aku selamat melahirkan mereka.

sesungguhnya mengandung anak kembar adalah anugerah terindah!

namun ini semua nikmat pinjaman Allah.

aku redha...

tak sabar nak g DEMC.

Ya Allah..harap2 biarlah berita baik yg kami perolehi....

++ WoRDLeSs WeDNesDaY ++

++ ReSuLt ++

results keluar since 2weeks ago.
tp official cgpa baru released rasanya.

haih.
agak dissapointed ngan diri sndiri sebab dpt 3.5 je.
amek 2subjects je kan.

tp kawan2 ckp ok la tu.
d facts that im a working housewife, ada sorg anak to take care of..n a baby inside..

btol ke?
ke dorg nak amek ati je.
haha.

haih masters.
will c u nxt yer i guess?